Self-Awaremess

[kelti1972]

I cannot believe how I couldn't even see my own part in a breakdown with my pwBPD.  It wasn't until I talked with my sponser that I got it.  My pwBPD kept telling me I was putting my issues on him and to stop.  I couldn't see it last night.  I did stay calm, even though I felt my emotions deregulating, I brought them down, but I couldn't see my entire part.  I felt like the victim.  I wasn't the victim, I budded in where I didn't need too.  It is best to let my pwBPD come and seek me out.  After all they are an adult and I do not need to treat them like my child.  

It is so hard for me to let go and have faith.  I really need to work on that.  I have a hard time too, excusing myself and need to have more gentle tolerance for myslef when I make mistakes.  I will make mistakes, that is part of learning. I did make my ammends when my pwBPD got home and it went really well.  I felt so much better.

Why can we see others flaws and weakness so much better than our own?   Support to all  

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lever.]

I think we are all on a journey to self-awareness which can be painful at times. It is difficult to support a child with BPD and we are certain to make mistakes from time to time.

One of my worst mistakes was to interfere unnecessarily. I found reading the book "I don't have to make everything all better" helped with this.

I was anxious about my DD who was self-harming and suicidal and making some decisions which I thought were not helpful for her. In the future I would not go behind her back again unless worried for her life.

I agree that it is hard to let go and have faith but when we do both our child and ourselves benefit.

I think the important thing is to read, learn and reflect. It is our willingness to help which is important. If we can stand back and look at our mistakes without judging ourselves harshly we can gradually change our responses.

The situations we have to deal with are sometimes very difficult indeed. Some posters on this site have been a source of real inspiration to me. I am sorry that anyone else has these issues to deal with but it helps to know that we are not alone and to read about how other people cope.

[kelti1972]

levr:

Thank you for your supportive words.  Yes it is nice to know there are others out there that relate.  I will eventually get around to reading the book you found helpful.  Sounds like a good one.  It is hard to let go and have faith.  I find when I can talk and share and read it really makes all the difference.  Thanks again!  Kelti