child support

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I will be late with child support by 1 day this month. I have never been late since my daughter was born even before the court order. this will be the first time in 27 months, im about to go to court how will this affect me? I had car trouble and was unable to bring my ex the check

[Eco]

I will be late with child support by 1 day this month. I have never been late since my daughter was born even before the court order. this will be the first time in 27 months, im about to go to court how will this affect me? I had car trouble and was unable to bring my ex the check

[ForeverDad]

Very likely one day late, one time, is not the end of the world.  You've read our stories here, late by one day is probably the least of your worries, our ex-spouses somehow get away with so much.  There's a saying I find myself quoting... .The one behaving poorly seldom gets consequences and the one behaving well seldom gets credit.

However, just to be safe, bring documentation of the circumstances, whatever proof you have of the car troubles, your long history of court compliance, etc.  Don't be timid, if your ex raises the issue, probably in a predictably inflammatory and blaming way, defend yourself, state the full story to the court, in such cases it good to (respectfully) stand up for yourself, not the time to be timidly quiet.

[bravhart1]

I can't imagine that one day every two years will get the court twisted up. If they ask, explain the car trouble and tell him your plan to prevent that from happening again, like "I'm going to mail the check from now on" etc

[whirlpoollife]

Xh had up to 6k owed in back support. Had his license suspended. Was ordered to pay 1k lump sum at once, he took a month to but did not add on current support. Had notice again for second license suspension.  If kids decide they no longer want to live with me, then that's what it is. 

So one day late , don't worry but have copies of the other canceled checks and the car repair bill.

A question, do you pay the support to  the state , then to x? In my state that's the way it is, because if you pay support, by cash or check deposit ,  without it on record it can be classified as gift money.

[livednlearned]

My ex is supposed to pay on the 1st of the month each month. He has been up to 30 days late, and there are no consequences, even when we mentioned it in court.

There is a whole machine in place for child support, like garnishing wages and the whole bureaucratic cycle. And people seem to have a weariness about it, so if you're one day late, I wouldn't worry about it.

As a courtesy to your ex, you could send her an email to say it will be a day late.

Courts care about patterns of behavior.

[Eco]

A question, do you pay the support to  the state , then to x? In my state that's the way it is, because if you pay support, by cash or check deposit ,  without it on record it can be classified as gift money.

no I give it directly to my ex in the form of a check so I will have a record of the payment. Im going to start putting the check in the mail so I don't have to deal with this kind of thing again

As a courtesy to your ex, you could send her an email to say it will be a day late.

I did, thanks for all the help. I know its not a big deal I just hate to give my ex anything to use against me.

[livednlearned]

I know its not a big deal I just hate to give my ex anything to use against me.

I understand! It's good to get validation from people who get it, because it can give you some extra strength when/if these issues come up during a hearing. It's part of the recovery process, in my experience. We are susceptible to the guilt trips and blame and accusations, even though we have a hunch that the guilt trips and blame and accusations are bunk.

You are conscientious and attentive, and love your D. You're a good guy. 

[Eco]

I understand! It's good to get validation from people who get it, because it can give you some extra strength when/if these issues come up during a hearing. It's part of the recovery process, in my experience. We are susceptible to the guilt trips and blame and accusations, even though we have a hunch that the guilt trips and blame and accusations are bunk.

You are conscientious and attentive, and love your D. You're a good guy.  Doing the right thing

Thanks LNL  

Funny thing is I very rarely fall to the FOG from my ex anymore. The only way she gets to me is through my daughter by interfering with my time with her

[Turkish]

It sounds like you're ok. If your custody/CS stipulation is non specific, even better. Mine says "$x/mo" no specific date to pay. Due to our 3-2-2-3 schedule, I've been a day late here and there. I'm 6 days late this month due to our minds being elsewhere due to a crisis where we had to come together for the kids. I forgot, so did she. Like you, I just write her a check. It pays to use the communication tools to keep the parenting r/s as low conflict as you can.