daughter, 34, lives with us and is deep into a BPD episode

[callen]

Our daughter, 34, lives with us and has had BPD for years.  She is on meds for depression.  She has been having a severe episode of BPD for the last few months due to the fact her boyfriend of 6 yrs. is breaking up with her because of her behavior.  She attempted suicide in March with pills and I caught her withing minutes of it being too late.  Since then she has been worse.  I should be used to her behavior but this is almost too much for me.  I get drawn in before I know it.  She also has several medical problems, dealing with pain, RSD or CRPS as it is called today and fibromyalgia.  She is on several pain meds and has been for years, this started when she was 11.  She will see a new therapist tomorrow, high hopes!  I am so upset all the time, my beautiful, wonderful daughter has been taken over.  She has broken her dad's hand, requiring surgery and hit me in the head with her very heavy purse.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[livednlearned]

Hi callen,

Welcome to the site, I'm glad you found us. Having a loved one with BPD can be very isolating and challenging, it's helpful to know you're not alone.

You mention that you should be used to her behavior. I understand, sometimes we adjust our expectations and even then, things can get worse and we have to recognize that things have changed and we need help. Your D is going through a lot with the break up and that must be triggering her extreme fear of abandonment.

What tools and skills have helped you deal with her behavior? Will the therapist include you and your H? Are you seeing someone to help you cope with the behavior?

We're here for you, callen. People here really do understand what it's like, including the heartache about a child who has suicidal ideation and/or attempts to commit suicide.

Let us know how you're doing.

LnL

[tristesse]

Hi Callen and welcome to bpdfamily.

I am so  sorry that you are going through such a rough patch with your daughter right now. I understand how you feel , and know how draining it can be.

We are all here to help you in any way that we can, and to listen if you need to vent your frustration and anger. This is a safe place to do that.

If you look to the right of this board there are tools and lessons, these are here for you, they are quite helpful, as they will teach you the skills you will need to effectively communicate with your daughter, they help you learn ho to set boundaries, and host of other great things.

Please tell us more about your daughters situation, and continue to post so that we can help.

Take care, and I hope to hear more from you real soon.

[callen]

I have found some peace since finding this website.  I have calmed down and can look at things better, which helps the situation.  I want to repair the damage that has been done since this last episode.  My daughter and I have always been very close, since she has had a medical problem since the age of 11.  I have been her caretaker.  I wish I could handle things better as they happen but I am dragged into the situation without even realizing it.  I think in a lot of ways we are too close, but that has always been a good thing.  She has had a lot of surgeries, procedures, doctors, med, etc. and I have always been with her.  Her boyfriend always seems to start problems, not an understanding person, quite narcistic, he always comes first.  I try so hard, believe me, to not point this out to her and try to be friendly to him.When things are not right with him, she explodes.

[kelti1972]

Hi Callen:

My 27 year old son and I have also been very close all his life, yet there have been times, like when he got in high-school and junior high and he pulled away from me.  In junior high it started when the girl he felt he loved didn't love him back.  He has not had a serious relationship since then.  His therapist wants him to develop an intimate relationship as he continues in DBT therapy.  I know when he has rejection it is really hard.  He has had three episodes of suicide nothing as close as your daughters.  He also has had medical problems.

I too have elements of BPD in my personality, so it can really be hard on my husband when we are both in our moods.  Anyway glad you are here keep coming back and reading and sharing.

You are not alone!  Kelti1972

[twojaybirds]

Hi Callen and welcome!

I am concerned with the physical violence you mentioned.  You and your husband need to be safe in your own home.  

Grab some of the tools people mentioned here and think about what boundaries you need for you with guilt.