The end is nigh

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi all. After my parents paid for a lovely family trip to Mexico (including them, my sister's family and us with our son), I think it is time to cut the ties that bind.

For someone that has been GIVEN ALOT by my parents, he is so unappreciative. Was flat out rude many times on the trip. I was belittled behind closed doors, in front of our 5 year old. I can't bare to see our son get so upset when his dad starts raising his voice at the littlest thing.

For example, we were on a nature walk and BPDso pointed at something, "What is that flapping thing over there?" I replied, "I can't really see it. Let's walk up closer so I can get a better look." His response, "WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO DIFFICULT? IF YOU WOULD JUST LISTEN TO ME!" Our son reacts by yelling "I need peace and Quiet! DADDY!"

That is just a small thing, but it has just built up. Along with his not participating as part of the family on the trip (would go off to do his own thing. So much for coparenting. My poor parents stepped in multiple times to give me a break). Then he complained about not being part of the family (he would play on his phone at meal times rather than be a part of the conversation). His insistence that we need to rush home so he can join his buddies fishing (he rolled his eyes at my parents when they said they were going to pick up the dogs from the kennel first). I was so embarrassed.

What really really just made me almost lose it was what I found in his suitcase while unpacking. He had apparently carried a wild sponge in his suitcase through customs. He had asked about it beforehand and I explained that he couldn't do that! 1) we were visiting a national park 2) CUSTOMS and USFWS! It may not have been a big deal if he was caught, but it just shows how low his integrity is.

We have had a few couples counseling sessions, initially to deal with our disagreements in parenting. I just walk out of the sessions feeling like crap and attacked the whole time. I would like to think the counselor is trying to hear him out, but he spends most the time telling her what is wrong with me. For someone who is always telling me to "just accept who he is", he certainly isn't accepting of who I am.

Anyway, I am trying to make a plan. Going to start a job search, there is a good chance I will have to move from the farm I have built up and be closer to my parents and have better schools for our son. I have mixed feelings. Excitment at the idea of a new chapter, sadness to leave my farm, relief that this will be over, some self esteem boosting experiences from working... .

Most of all, I want my son to be happy and safe.

Feeling the dark cloud of depression come over me, currently, but that is ok. As I process this and plan, the cloud will lift (I have been in treatment for depression in the past, we are at the monitoring stage. I will get more help if needed! Don't worry!)

Thanks for listening.   

[dawnjd]

Hi all. After my parents paid for a lovely family trip to Mexico (including them, my sister's family and us with our son), I think it is time to cut the ties that bind.

For someone that has been GIVEN ALOT by my parents, he is so unappreciative. Was flat out rude many times on the trip. I was belittled behind closed doors, in front of our 5 year old. I can't bare to see our son get so upset when his dad starts raising his voice at the littlest thing.

For example, we were on a nature walk and BPDso pointed at something, "What is that flapping thing over there?" I replied, "I can't really see it. Let's walk up closer so I can get a better look." His response, "WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO DIFFICULT? IF YOU WOULD JUST LISTEN TO ME!" Our son reacts by yelling "I need peace and Quiet! DADDY!"

That is just a small thing, but it has just built up. Along with his not participating as part of the family on the trip (would go off to do his own thing. So much for coparenting. My poor parents stepped in multiple times to give me a break). Then he complained about not being part of the family (he would play on his phone at meal times rather than be a part of the conversation). His insistence that we need to rush home so he can join his buddies fishing (he rolled his eyes at my parents when they said they were going to pick up the dogs from the kennel first). I was so embarrassed.

What really really just made me almost lose it was what I found in his suitcase while unpacking. He had apparently carried a wild sponge in his suitcase through customs. He had asked about it beforehand and I explained that he couldn't do that! 1) we were visiting a national park 2) CUSTOMS and USFWS! It may not have been a big deal if he was caught, but it just shows how low his integrity is.

We have had a few couples counseling sessions, initially to deal with our disagreements in parenting. I just walk out of the sessions feeling like crap and attacked the whole time. I would like to think the counselor is trying to hear him out, but he spends most the time telling her what is wrong with me. For someone who is always telling me to "just accept who he is", he certainly isn't accepting of who I am.

Anyway, I am trying to make a plan. Going to start a job search, there is a good chance I will have to move from the farm I have built up and be closer to my parents and have better schools for our son. I have mixed feelings. Excitment at the idea of a new chapter, sadness to leave my farm, relief that this will be over, some self esteem boosting experiences from working... .

Most of all, I want my son to be happy and safe.

Feeling the dark cloud of depression come over me, currently, but that is ok. As I process this and plan, the cloud will lift (I have been in treatment for depression in the past, we are at the monitoring stage. I will get more help if needed! Don't worry!)

Thanks for listening.   

[once removed]

hey dawnjd 

yikes, im sorry to hear this trip went so badly. i would have been embarrassed with his behavior too, if hed acted that way toward my parents.

im also sorry to hear youre feeling depressed  . these relationships take a lot out of us. i trust you that you will get more help if needed and im glad you are monitoring this, but id be remiss if i didnt ask if youve considered seeing a therapist; the journey ahead will not be simple, though im very glad to read you have a plan, feel some excitement, and, ultimately have brighter days ahead of you.

[dawnjd]

Thank you once.

I have considered going back to my old therapist, but the distance and cost at this point is a burden. With my planning for a new job and relocation, I am putting all my energy into that right now. I can always find a therapist where I relocate.

Had a few days home where I thought things might get better, but as always, he went back to his old self. Of course, since I have stopped caring about what he does (because I know in the long run it won't matter, I'm leaving), he is all concerned and getting very needy (which is now just annoying).

The more and more I see him interact with our son without my interference, the more I am sure of this decision. Most meals resort to yelling between SO and son; I watch SO do things to son and then punish son for doing the same. What really bothers me is when our son does something "bad" (he is 5), SO gets right in his face and raises his voice. I have to remove son from this situation asap. I do fear it may escalate to abuse if I allow it to continue.

[once removed]

if your intuition tells you the situation may escalate to abuse, i completely support your decision to protect your child and do what is best for both of you.

also glad to hear a therapist is a possibility where you relocate. i hope relocating goes well/smoothly and that it refreshes you.