Seeks praise when others are being complimented

[Seoulsister]

I noticed recently that when others in BPDmil's presence receive praise or attention, she will turn the compliment directed at another into something about her. Yesterday we ate lunch with the in laws and at the end of the meal, my husband and I thanked FIL for picking up the tab. MIL instantly said, "Well it was my idea to eat here".  On other occasions she has done more extreme versions of this, where she's hysterically crying because FIL has received recognition and she feels it is only because of her that he is where he is.

Typically she praises herself (almost like she's congratulating herself) during discussions, stating things like, "I came up with this brilliant idea" or "Thank goodness I was there to save the day" and "everybody loves this about me". Last time we were together I started counting, and in two hours she had listed off her "great ideas" 6 times.

Is this a BPD thing? Does validating her, (ex: "Yeah, great idea mom" encourage this behavior even more?

[HappyChappy]

Seoulsister that is soo BPD it hurts. They want to be centre of attention and get jealous of others for taking their limelight. They are also very competitive. I've seen my BPD mom compete with my son - it can get quiet comical. My BPD mom has not really achieved anything in life, but like you MIL, any achievement going becomes her's. Not sure if agreeing makes any difference, because I've not really agreed with my BPD, but that doesn't stop her repeating her stolen "achievements" over and over. Maybe if I did validated her she'd repeat less ? Or maybe if she stopped eating brussel sprouts... .

[enlighten me]

I forgot about that little pearl. Yes both my uBPD exs would turn praise for others onto them. They also lived through others achievements as if they had a part to play in it. Both my exs bragged about how much I earned as I used to be on good money as if they were the driving force behind my success.

I dont think its to do with limelight though. I think it makes them feel inadequate.

[Seoulsister]

I dont think its to do with limelight though. I think it makes them feel inadequate.

I think you're right. Owning others' achievements masks their lack thereof. It's really sad.

[Seoulsister]

They are also very competitive.

It took me a long time to adjust to this. I'm not a competitive person, but she (and the entire family) are really competitive. If you're not the best, brightest, scored the highest then you're akin to a serial killer.  She also competes for worst case scenarios. If something bad happens to anyone, she has a much more dramatic and disastrous experience to share.

[WindyDay]

My sister does this all the time, its really hard not to comment all the time on her praising of herself and her kids. She also does the 'great idea' thing. So glad I planned this, so glad I thought of this place to go.

Also she has always had some kind of problem or sickness that is worse than others. She uses PMS as an excuse for her and her daughters bad behavior, I have to keep reminding her that I am a woman and I get PMS too but do not act like her. Then I get the, its really bad, you just don't understand. If not PMS it's a headache or foot ache or whatever else is happening at the moment.