BPD wife and I have have not been intimate in a year. She says it is because she just does not want to anymore and that it has to do with how promiscuous she was as a teen. I am sure there are some core shame issues at work.
Last Sunday we were laying in bed in the afternoon talking. She asked me if I would rub her back, so i did. I could tell she was getting turned on just by my touch. One thing lead to another and we had some really intense sex. The thank-goodness-the-kids-are-not-here, close-the-windows-so-the-neighbors-don't-hear, hyperventilating-and-out-of-breath sex usually reserved for newlyweds.
Afterwards, she said it was incredible. She talked about how we used to set the sheets on fire and how good we are together in bed.
Then she announced she is embarrassed about it and never wants to do it again.
AAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHH!
I don't have a clue what to do about that. I remember the last time I performed oral sex on my wife, about 17 years ago, she told me how great it was, then she never let me do it again.
I tried to break our 5 plus years of no sex yesterday, and she turned me down. I was very discouraged by this, in that I thought things were getting better. It ate at me all day. That night I kind of vented a little, and told her that I felt like I was nothing but a sperm donation. She never said a word.
I ended my vent by telling her that I loved her and that I wanted us to be close. I told her that I missed her body. She didn't didn't reply.
