upset and lost

[sadgirl1998]

  I don't know what to do, I found this website by googling "what to do when your mom has borderline?" and this came up.  I'm looking for support, answers, or even someone just to tell me that I'm not alone.  I have a therapist, and other social workers in my life, but I don't think they understand.  I'm 16 with no job, no money, no car, and no friends.  I mean I have friends, but I am not allowed to see my two friends outside of school.  My dad left after getting addicted to drugs, and that is when my mom got worse.  Now its ordinary for my mom to call me "a fat b___" or "a stupid ___ loving slut", and I guess I should be numb to it by now by I am not.  I still look for some type of love from my mom for some reason.  I have brothers, they are held to different standards than me, and my older sister was able to escape from my mom via her dad and that is not a choice for me.  I've tried to escape from her in a lot of ways: running away, suicide attempts, drugs.  But those aren't good escapes.  I'm afraid to get emancipated because my family is poor, so I doubt I could make it on my own yet.  I just don't want to live with her.  The house we live in is disgusting.  Its dirty and dingy and utterly nasty.  I keep my own room clean.  I have a dog named Sheppie and she abuses him as well as me.  As a punishment for me, she won't buy him dog food so I have to share a half of my food with him.  I don't mind because I love him, but I don't think people food is good for dogs.  I just don't know what to do anymore... .

[Turkish]

Hello sadgirl1998,

I can relate to the filth. My mom's a hoarder. I'm sorry that you are struggling so, but look forward to emancipation day when you turn 18. I counted down the days and movex out on my 18th birthday.

Unfortunately, our guidlines at BPD Family require that you be 18 to participate actively in the discussions (though this doesn't mean that you can gain benefit from reading the lessons).

Here are some resources which may help you in the meantime:

www.teenhelp.org

Your Life Your Voice

www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/AskIt/Pages/default.aspx

1-800-448-3000

These can be tough years to make it through, but you're so close to being an adult and being able to take control of your destiny. I'm an adult survivor,.as is everyone here. I hope you can come back at that time, sd1998.

Turkish

[HappyChappy]

  I don't know what to do... .or even someone just to tell me that I'm not alone.

... .I still look for some type of love from my mom for some reason.  I have brothers they are held to different standards than me... .running away, suicide attempts, drugs... ., so I doubt I could make it on my own yet.  I just don't want to live with her... .I don't think people food is good for dogs.  I just don't know what to do anymore... .

I can truly relate and my hart goes out for you. All I can say is that you’re remarkable aware of the BPD  for your age. So you’re half way towards a solution, sound like you only lack the money. I also tried suicide and running away, so please I was rubbish at both of those. I found that planning my exit, with milestones helped. So stage one was getting a job which meant I needed a driving licence etc. etc... .If not a job, self employment is open to all.

Have you spoken with your therapist or social services about any help available ? You’re obviously a caring person if  you share your food with your dog. I have a rescue cat that eats just about anything, lumps of carped,  he’d have your dog it stopped moving. Having read your post, you sound like you have the spirit to get there, might just take a bit longer than you would like, but you’ll get there.  And before then you have this website. 

[Kwamina]

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