just want to focus

[rarsweet]

Do you ever get the feeling like you just want everyone out of your life. The last year I have really tried to focus and make a lot of changes. I admit I am in kind of overdrive. I have been going nonstop. I  feel for the first time in my life I am doing what I want. I'm sick of the outside noise from everyone. I sm sick of people asking questions. I am sick of pressure to just do nothing. Ive wasted enough life I don't want to anymore. I don't want to just hang out, veg out, chill. You know we all have things we don't want to do, days we just don't feel like it. Its hard enough pushing yourself, its harder pushing through everyone around you telling you you don't have to do something. I am at this point where all I want to do is go to work, be with my kids,  go to school,  go to the programs I do, talk to my shrink, and shut out the rest.

[fromheeltoheal]

Yep.  I think it's great you're doing what you want, so am I.  Traumatic experiences inspire us to dig deep, admit to ourselves things we might have been denying, get insightful, make new decisions, shake things up, in search of our a new version of 'better'.  And part of that for me has been looking at relationships with people and deciding if they are really adding to my life and if we have anything in common anymore.  I have friends who do veg well, have no trouble relaxing, and rest is important, I get that and have to remind myself often, but it's not the goal for me, it's a lack of ambition and I get stir crazy fast when I sit on my ass too long.  That's OK, do what you want folks, gotta go, got stuff to do.  And I'm an introvert anyway, I have no problem being alone, I'm with a good friend anyway, me, and I don't get lonely often.  Following our own bliss is the ultimate, and there's also the piece where people see me motivated and fired up, like you, and it's a problem for them because they don't want to get left behind, which isn't my goal, it's to follow my own bliss, and if you can't support me in that, sorry gotta go.  Plus, I'm meeting some new people who seem to live in that mode too, maybe I'm meeting my peeps?  Sure is fun in a way though, yes?

[rarsweet]

Yup exactly. You really start to see who is just trying to bring you down or keep you down. I hadn'trealized how uunsupportive people I had in my life. I am 32. I was always a straight a student. In my senior year I met my ex husband. I dropped out. I have been with 2 men who basically told me I was stupid and couldn't do anything. I always had a job I liked so I never really did anything about dropping out. Last year after my break up I said what the heck , went and took the HISET exam. I passed in the 94th percentile. Now I am in college with 3 kids, 2 exes, a job of 4 years. I have not had one family member say anything supportive. I get oh you don't have to study, let's just do breakfast. My grandparents had 12 kids, 23 grandkids. I am the only one to go to college. I have friends who say I should be out partying or slashing exes tires. I represented myself in both cases with my exes, I had to learn, I had to buckle down. I am still breastfeeding a 1 year old even with a 50/50 schedule since she was 7 weeks old. I pump 6-8 times a day for 3 days every week. I get so much flack about just quitting nursing. After work coworkers will ask me to go out for a drink and I say sorry can't have to go home and pump . All my coworkers went to the beach one day. I didn't go, I wouldn't be able to pump. My mom will say " you have 2 hours in between work and school why can't you go shopping with me" well because that'smy pumping time, as I say over and over. I have called in to work twice in 4 years at my job, really didn't call in to my previous job for over a year before that. If I so much as have a headache my mom will just say why didn't you call in. Grr. It should be wow good job going to work waitressing with one hand when you had frozen shoulder. Or good job working on your tendonitus medication free so you don't pass meds nursing. I just want negativity out of my life.

[rarsweet]

I wonder how do you meet like minded people?

[fromheeltoheal]

Let there be milk!  Good job mom, your motivation and discipline are inspiring.

Two movies you would probably relate to and enjoy: Idiocracy and Julie Johnson.  I know, sitting on our butts watching movies isn't very ambitious, but we do need to rest once in a while, might as well see ourselves in a character while we're at it.

I wonder how do you meet like minded people?

By meeting a lot of people, which I do pretty well because I'm a chatty bullshtter, as a cover for my introversion a lot of times but it works, but lately, really noticing who someone is.  In the naivety of my youth I used to think everyone was fundamentally the same and wanted the same things, which is true to an extent, but humans are very variable, and I've been looking for the differences and similarities more lately.  Part of that came from my ex, assuming she wanted what everyone wants, which she does in a way, although her priorities and focus are radically altered by a personality disorder, so lesson?  Go in blind and get screwed.  No more, look at who people really are, or a least seem to be at first meeting, and then start building relationships with those we like.  It's a slow process, but it's as fun as we make it, and we are who we hang out with after all.  Take care of you!