23 y.o. Daughter just diagnosed with Bpd

[Roxgrubb]

My 23 y.o. daughter hit her head on the windshield in a car accident 4 years ago.  She was not diagnosed with any thing at the hospital.  however Her mood gradually changed, and we started experiencing the rage and mood swings first.  She started self medicating with drugs so everyone thought she was just another addict.  Her symptoms are rage, vulgar harmful words,  mood swings , destruction of anything not nailed down,  and inability to hold a job or stay in college.  The local psychiatrist by passed all my explanations and labelled her as an addict with add, and talked her into drug rehab.  This did nothing to help her.  Her only friend is a felon that idolizes her.   I was able to convince her to have a spect brain scan, and one of the psychologists diagnosed her with Bpd and I feel it was caused from the brain Injury.  The brain scans are very interesting,  you can learn more by googling spect imaging.  

I am now trying to convince her to go to a new psychiatrist who offers dbt and CBt,  but it is so hard to work with someone so oppositional.  We took the car away from her and don't give her money,  but she still is able to manipulate her friends,  when she shows up, we have to keep all our doors locked and watch her all the time.,  family and friends pray for her which is a blessing.  I am blessed to have found this forum.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[livednlearned]

Hi Roxgrubb,

I'm glad you found the site and posted to let us know how you're doing, and what is going on with your D. How frightening for you and for her that she was in a traumatic car accident like that. It says a lot about you that you insisted on figuring out what was going on, despite what doctors were saying.

It's tough when a loved one with BPD does not accept treatment. Have you read this article about the topic on the site?

TOOLS: "Getting" someone to see a therapist or to get into treatment

You cannot control the person's decision to see a therapist or get into treatment. Put yourself into the other person's place - no one likes to be told what to do or that they need help. So if the approach wouldn't be palatable to you, it probably won't be something the person with BPD will be receptive to either. There are 4 techniques that come from motivational interviewing that may help: Express Empathy; Develop Discrepancy; Roll with Resistance; Support Self-Efficacy      

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=76633.0

It's encouraging, too, that your D agreed to the brain scan. I remember seeing a video about SPECT imaging in BPD patients, and understanding that there were abnormalities in the brain seemed to help families and BPD sufferers because it made them feel that it was more physiological, less about who they were (toxic shame).

There are a lot of helpful tools here on the site. Have you found any skills that help you communicate effectively with your D? It sounds like she is still doing drugs. Does she talk openly with you about her substance abuse?



LnL

[meantcorn34]

Has your daughter had a thorough neurological eval to rule out traumatic brain injury? Symptoms such as rage, mood swings, etc are also indicative of tbi.

[kelti1972]

Hi Roxgrubb:

Our 27 year old S is BPD and he started out with our therapist and got mad and her and stopped going.  He kept saying he was doing his own thing and we also thought he was a drug addict, because he used alcohol and drugs to self-medicate.  Just recently he was assessed and is see a therapist he picked and is going to do DBT.

I feel I owe it all to God, my Higher Power, I prayed and prayed and prayed for years and years.  Tried so many things that didn't work, but I was trying.  He had to finally get to the point where he wanted therapy and he had to find her and feel it was his own decision.  Welcome and good luck.  There is so much here to help you!  Kelti

[Butterflygirl]

Our 27 year old S is BPD and he started out with our therapist and got mad and her and stopped going.

I can so identify with this. When I got on welfare and got my first job and health plan, I took my son and daughter to a therapist. They were interviewed and my daughter was put on a waiting list. They asked to see my son the next day. He was twelve and angry. Fast forward to court-mandated couples therapy after he was arrested for domestic violence. He just yelled at the therapist.

One of the hardest parts of my situation is the narcissistic tendencies of my Borderline. I know his issues of grandiosity are a smokescreen for a fragile ego, but it is such an added burden on top of everything else. He is complete denial. He does not think anything wrong with him and the rest of the world are out  to get him. Since he is black he uses the racism that he experiences to stay in denial. Talk about a victim mentality as well as persecution complex. He will not only call me for groceries, he wakes me up because he wants to start his day early.

But I know the drill. Tomorrow his other personality will call and apologize and complain about his PTSD nightmares.

Enough venting . . . One day at a time. I am focusing on setting boundaries and not jumping through his hoops.