Thank you for adding me

[Hopeless Beyond]

My husband and I are so distraught.  Our only child left our home about 2 years ago with a guy she only met once (talked on line).  She was awful to my husband before she left - now she hates me.  She lived in conditions unfit for humans with this guy and his brother.  She got kicked out when the brother fell in love with her and threatened suicide.  When she came back home (about 3 days) it came out she was in the porn industry- she asked to go back to therapy and went once.  She has left (said I diagnosed her and forced her to go to therapy - not true) we don't know where she is - she acted about 11 when she was home.  It seemed so surreal. We are beside ourselves.  My husbands mother had BPD - we believe.  The guy she is with seems to have great influence- he wants money.  We are sad for her - we have beat ourselves up - is this our fault?  She blames me - says I should give her money.  I have read many books - all seem to point at bad parenting - she said we physically and mentally abused her one minute and that we were wonderful parents the next.  There was no abuse, but we always gave her the benefit of the doubt and enabled.  We tried to keep things calm.  Sorry to ramble - just looking for advice or someone that can relate.  Has anyone been through anything like this?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Rapt Reader]

Hello, Hopeless Beyond &

I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with all of this pain and stress, and that it is causing you to question your parenting and having to deal with that guilt, besides... .What you are asking is a question all of us parents have asked ourselves at one time or another (even if just a little bit). We have a thread here that will help you answer this question, and this is the link to it: Is this all my fault? Did I cause this?

None of us knew anything about BPD when our kids were growing up, and beyond, and none of us knew the tools and techniques for dealing with our BPD children (you can find the links to them on the right-hand side of this page. The TOOLS and THE LESSONS will give you the information you need). We all did the best we could under stressful circumstances, and beating ourselves up now, after the fact, won't help the situation as it is... .The best we can do is learn all we can about BPD and how our child's mind works, and then do what we can to communicate and deal with our child better for the future.

You're in the right place, Hopeless Beyond, to find out how to do all of that... .And we are here for you to help