N/BPD Filed for Divorce while being Investigated for Fraud

[Loveofhislife]

I hardly know where to begin except that in my company, our owner brought his N/BPD spouse into our office to handle the bookkeeping and tax preparation: BAD IDEA. She has fraudulently filed tax documents (we thought we were paying our quarterly taxes for a Sub-S corp) but somehow she pocketed and kept the money= tax fraud. She also forged our owner's name so that she was issued a company credit card on which she charged over $200,000 = credit card fraud. The IRS all but closed our doors in October, but our primary business partner paid the back taxes and turned N/BPD into the state attorney's office where they have been investigating the case but with no charges, arrest, etc.

Yesterday, our owner was served divorce papers demanding 1/2 of his assets and a large amount of alimony; he has 20 days to respond. Other than giving him the name of my T who specializes in PD's and recommending a good attorney who specializes in criminal and family law, I have no advice.

Have any of you experienced trying to settle a multi-count fraud case while trying to get divorced without being taken to the cleaners?

Had I married my exbfBPD, I'm certain I would be in a similar boat, as he too had sociopathic traits.

ANY ADVICE FOR MY BOSS WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED!

[ForeverDad]

The owner needs a problem solving, proactive lawyer, a la William Eddy category.  Most lawyers expect to make deals in settlements.  While it may very well end in a settlement, he needs one who knows how to counterattack.

For example, although she committed fraud with the credit card and other filings, did he have to leave it up to officials to decide whether to press charges?  Was there anything he could do to sue for damages or restitution?  At the least he needs to include her documented poor behaviors.  It is not normal to commit fraud, even if authorities did nothing so far.  On the other hand, courts are notorious for ignoring things we non-professionals would see as hugely relevant when making decisions.

How long was he married?  These days and in most states alimony is often just for the transition from the marriage, such as to get a job, or get job training.  In most states alimony has length limitations, I've heard it is 3 years in Texas.  In general alimony is not for more than half the length of the marriage, often less.  In my divorce the lawyers agreed on 2 months for every year married.  So she may ask for the sun, moon and stars, doesn't mean she will get it.  This is where a proactive, experienced, assertive family law attorney steps in.  Since there are large financial figures to resolve, he may need a Special Master or forensic accountant to pull all the financial records into focus for the case.

Why didn't he file for divorce before now?  Do they share children and have potential custody issues, is that why he stayed in the marriage?

If he is still looking for an attorney when the response time approaches, he can always respond that he denies the allegations, disputes the demands and needs more time to find and prepare an attorney.  (Even that should be run past a family law attorney to be sure he doesn't do anything wrong (or not do anything right).

For example, if he had to step in and pay the bills, fees, penalties or reimburse the partner, then he could take the position that his losses should be deducted from whatever she might otherwise receive from her portion of the divorce.

As he's seeking legal consultations and interviewing attorneys, he can ask them what they would do themselves, whom they would choose, if they were facing the same issues personally.  The lawyers recommended in these interviews could become his short list of lawyers from which to choose.

[Loveofhislife]

Foreverdad: thank you for your thorough and thought provoking response.

Our boss and owner was married 17 years. I'm afraid he too is a rescuer and co-dependent. The business partner who has saved our company had been trying to tell the N/BPD's husband that she was unstable and dishonest. But our owner believed his SO over his business partner DESPITE a lot of smoking guns which N/BPD always explained as a "big misunderstanding"--until the day the IRS walked in.

EVEN THEN our "old school" boss continued his misplaced loyalty to N/BPD until he learned she had been having an affair with a mutual best friend and long-time colleague: who was a large beneficiary of the misappropriated funds. Up until that time, our boss (a self-made entrepreneur post a 23-year Navy career), and the H of N/BPD was willing to fall on his sword and if necessary go to prison for her: she, his second wife who he married as soon as he retired from the Navy: VERY SAD.

She has shown no remorse or made any offer of restitution. A background check now shows a string of misdemeanors for her writing bad checks and a felony for conspiracy to commit fraud. BPD's H claims he never knew any of her past misdeeds, as most occurred before their marriage. TALK ABOUT BLIND

FAITH.

I can't judge because my exbfBPD eventually told me he had been to prison for fraud, and not only did I stay with him and try to help him "get back on his feet," he eventually got away with stealing a great deal from me--right before he abandoned me.

Frankly, some of this stuff going on at work with our beloved boss is triggering me--kinda like PTSD.

Thanks again

[ForeverDad]

Yes, our good nature and wishful expectations used against us.  It is also why we stayed so long until we either got so burned we had no choice but to end the relationship - or we got used up and the Ex left a shell of a person.

He cannot direct his divorce if he is still thinking to hide her misbehaviors or do it gently.  He will need a strong attorney who can make the right decisions for him, or at least guide him to them.  It has often been written, marriage is about love and emotions, but divorce must be businesslike, as though unwinding a business merger.  Can he be strong enough not to be manipulated and intimidated her her emotional pressuring, distorted claims and entitled demands?

Sadly, she has shown herself to be worse than an enemy because she was so trusted and betrayed his trust.  That will be a huge transition for him to handle, seeing she has made herself, in effect, his enemy.  He didn't do it, she did.

[Loveofhislife]

I forgot to mention a few other important details: the first attorney our boss met with told him to wait until the State Attorney had charged her before he filed the divorce papers himself. None of us (including our financial advisor) agreed with that counsel, and we are urging him to see another attorney.

He has no minor-aged or biological children with N/BPD.

I really think his mental health is playing a factor in his not being proactive. However she bankrupted him personally and would have bankrupted the business if not for his business partner, so he is working to save our company at a workaholic pace and saying he has no $ for an attorney as he has his personal tax issues looming as well. Truly tragic.

[maxen]

She has shown no remorse or made any offer of restitution.

nope. and your boss may have an increasingly hard time as he discovers more and more that he was an object she was using to assuage her inner issues. my higher-ups were very good with me when i was at my lowest. really, support at work is invaluable, i hope your boss gets some too.

[Loveofhislife]

Thank you, ForeverDad and Maxen. Our boss has been so kind and giving to all of us: clients, co-workers, colleagues, friends, and family. More heart breaking for him was that there are two step children (now adults) who were raised and cared for by him as if they were his own. Obviously N/BPD's smear campaigns have alienated the 30 year old son and 27 year old daughter. Or it's codependency (or fear) of the N/BPD mother. He feels as if he lost his wife, two step children, and almost his company and livelihood. So, his friends, colleagues, and yes--us here at the office, have really stepped up like family.