This is bad

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

help me.

This had been a horrible week. She has been in a place that she hasn't for many years. She got violent 2 days ago when I got home from work. She pulled out some of my hair and tries to hit me a few times and I leave. But, I didn't know where to go and she sent me threats of suicide. I had to go home because our 4 year old was their asleep inside. She reset and I guess I was just supposed to reset to, as always.

The next night my son is staying with the grandparents and she keeps leaving and then coming back. Telling me she is just going to disappear and then alluding to hurting herself. She ends up coming back (I ask her to because I am worried about her, and what am I supposed to do?)and I try and just not have anything happen. She is crying and become angry with me because I am "isolating her" by not acting as if everything is ok (she just physically assaulted me the day before.).

She gets angry again a and throws her phone after telling me I don't care about her. She walked over and picks it up and then throws it hard at my face and I move and deflect it. She then jumps on top of me and starts pulling my hair. This time she pulls tufts of my hair out. I don't just protect my body from her as she is kicking me. She kicks me in the groin multiple times.  I manage to get away from her as she is screaming at me trying to hit me.  She has clumps of my hair in her fists.  This continues as I start to try and leave she follows me and block the car.  I end up going back inside and she pulls out more of my hair. No end up calling 911 and hanging up because she is threatening me.  She grabs a knife and tells me she is going to kill me because I tried to ruin her life by calling.  She come at me, but the knife is not a sharp tipped so she just leaves a little scratch. She then turns the knife on herself and tells me she is going to kill herself.

I know when you get all these messages that say that I need to get out of there.  But she had told me several times that she will make sure I never see our son again if I do anything. I am not going to leave it up to chance to see that he is taken care of.  I don't know what to do. She was fine all day yesterday and fully reset like everything is fine and that we had a little fight. She tells me life isn't all perfect like I grew up in and that this happens.

We talk about her going to a counselor. But it's hard because I work a lot. I had to go to work today because I Vertie called out several days because my son was sick and she was sick. I can't miss any more time. She text me all enraged again. I don't care about her because I had to go to work. I don't know what to do because I can't just lose all of my jobs because of her

I just need to know that somebody is dealt with this stuff. But somebody knows the right way to do this, because I'm at a loss.

I don't have a lot of money and if things ended up going to court for custody she would win because her family would give her money. And I don't doubt that she would spend her entire time trying to poison her son against me, and probably do a lot of damage to him in the process. When she gets angry that's all the controls her. Like this board says, she really is two different people. She can be the kindest nicest person that nobody would expect any thing from, but when she gets angry her anger knows no limits.and she would hold a grudge forever.

This violence is something I don't know how to handle.  She calls me names tells me I'm a "pussy because I don't fight back when she starts hitting me. I'll leave her pride probably hundred pounds and could easily fight back I want to do. But unlike her, I don't want to hurt her. So I don't. What am I supposed to do?

[romancandle]

help me.

This had been a horrible week. She has been in a place that she hasn't for many years. She got violent 2 days ago when I got home from work. She pulled out some of my hair and tries to hit me a few times and I leave. But, I didn't know where to go and she sent me threats of suicide. I had to go home because our 4 year old was their asleep inside. She reset and I guess I was just supposed to reset to, as always.

The next night my son is staying with the grandparents and she keeps leaving and then coming back. Telling me she is just going to disappear and then alluding to hurting herself. She ends up coming back (I ask her to because I am worried about her, and what am I supposed to do?)and I try and just not have anything happen. She is crying and become angry with me because I am "isolating her" by not acting as if everything is ok (she just physically assaulted me the day before.).

She gets angry again a and throws her phone after telling me I don't care about her. She walked over and picks it up and then throws it hard at my face and I move and deflect it. She then jumps on top of me and starts pulling my hair. This time she pulls tufts of my hair out. I don't just protect my body from her as she is kicking me. She kicks me in the groin multiple times.  I manage to get away from her as she is screaming at me trying to hit me.  She has clumps of my hair in her fists.  This continues as I start to try and leave she follows me and block the car.  I end up going back inside and she pulls out more of my hair. No end up calling 911 and hanging up because she is threatening me.  She grabs a knife and tells me she is going to kill me because I tried to ruin her life by calling.  She come at me, but the knife is not a sharp tipped so she just leaves a little scratch. She then turns the knife on herself and tells me she is going to kill herself.

I know when you get all these messages that say that I need to get out of there.  But she had told me several times that she will make sure I never see our son again if I do anything. I am not going to leave it up to chance to see that he is taken care of.  I don't know what to do. She was fine all day yesterday and fully reset like everything is fine and that we had a little fight. She tells me life isn't all perfect like I grew up in and that this happens.

We talk about her going to a counselor. But it's hard because I work a lot. I had to go to work today because I Vertie called out several days because my son was sick and she was sick. I can't miss any more time. She text me all enraged again. I don't care about her because I had to go to work. I don't know what to do because I can't just lose all of my jobs because of her

I just need to know that somebody is dealt with this stuff. But somebody knows the right way to do this, because I'm at a loss.

I don't have a lot of money and if things ended up going to court for custody she would win because her family would give her money. And I don't doubt that she would spend her entire time trying to poison her son against me, and probably do a lot of damage to him in the process. When she gets angry that's all the controls her. Like this board says, she really is two different people. She can be the kindest nicest person that nobody would expect any thing from, but when she gets angry her anger knows no limits.and she would hold a grudge forever.

This violence is something I don't know how to handle.  She calls me names tells me I'm a "pussy because I don't fight back when she starts hitting me. I'll leave her pride probably hundred pounds and could easily fight back I want to do. But unlike her, I don't want to hurt her. So I don't. What am I supposed to do?

[romancandle]

 I'm a 27 year old man with a bald patch that lucky can be covered by my long hair where she pulled it out.  I pissed blood the other morning from her kicking me in the groin repeatedly and she is telling me I don't care about her.  I'm sorry to rant on here, I just don't know who to tell this to and I am going to go crazy if I don't tell somebody.  I want to cry or something but just feel completely empty inside except when I am with my son.  I wish I foul have evidence of all of this and get myself and him away, but she has told me that if something like that happened she would make sure I didnt have custody or see him, or that she would kill herself.  I don't want him to experience this and have to learn to live with this stuff, but I don't want him to live a life without a mother.

What am I supposed to do?

[JQ]

help me.

This had been a horrible week. She has been in a place that she hasn't for many years. She got violent 2 days ago when I got home from work. She pulled out some of my hair and tries to hit me a few times and I leave. But, I didn't know where to go and she sent me threats of suicide. I had to go home because our 4 year old was their asleep inside. She reset and I guess I was just supposed to reset to, as always.

The next night my son is staying with the grandparents and she keeps leaving and then coming back. Telling me she is just going to disappear and then alluding to hurting herself. She ends up coming back (I ask her to because I am worried about her, and what am I supposed to do?)and I try and just not have anything happen. She is crying and become angry with me because I am "isolating her" by not acting as if everything is ok (she just physically assaulted me the day before.).

She gets angry again a and throws her phone after telling me I don't care about her. She walked over and picks it up and then throws it hard at my face and I move and deflect it. She then jumps on top of me and starts pulling my hair. This time she pulls tufts of my hair out. I don't just protect my body from her as she is kicking me. She kicks me in the groin multiple times.  I manage to get away from her as she is screaming at me trying to hit me.  She has clumps of my hair in her fists.  This continues as I start to try and leave she follows me and block the car.  I end up going back inside and she pulls out more of my hair. No end up calling 911 and hanging up because she is threatening me.  She grabs a knife and tells me she is going to kill me because I tried to ruin her life by calling.  She come at me, but the knife is not a sharp tipped so she just leaves a little scratch. She then turns the knife on herself and tells me she is going to kill herself.

I know when you get all these messages that say that I need to get out of there.  But she had told me several times that she will make sure I never see our son again if I do anything. I am not going to leave it up to chance to see that he is taken care of.  I don't know what to do. She was fine all day yesterday and fully reset like everything is fine and that we had a little fight. She tells me life isn't all perfect like I grew up in and that this happens.

We talk about her going to a counselor. But it's hard because I work a lot. I had to go to work today because I Vertie called out several days because my son was sick and she was sick. I can't miss any more time. She text me all enraged again. I don't care about her because I had to go to work. I don't know what to do because I can't just lose all of my jobs because of her

I just need to know that somebody is dealt with this stuff. But somebody knows the right way to do this, because I'm at a loss.

I don't have a lot of money and if things ended up going to court for custody she would win because her family would give her money. And I don't doubt that she would spend her entire time trying to poison her son against me, and probably do a lot of damage to him in the process. When she gets angry that's all the controls her. Like this board says, she really is two different people. She can be the kindest nicest person that nobody would expect any thing from, but when she gets angry her anger knows no limits.and she would hold a grudge forever.

This violence is something I don't know how to handle.  She calls me names tells me I'm a "pussy because I don't fight back when she starts hitting me. I'll leave her pride probably hundred pounds and could easily fight back I want to do. But unlike her, I don't want to hurt her. So I don't. What am I supposed to do?

Romancandle,

First of all, you need to insure you and your son are safe ... .then you need to follow up with a police report on the assault she did on you. The police will come out, take photo's of your hair thats been pulled out and the scratches from the knife.  If she threatens suicide ... .DO NOT hesitate to call 911 ... .at the very least the police and ambulance will arrive and she will be taken to the hospital to be observed ... .usually for 48-72 hours depending on several factors. With that documentation, you can go to an organization within your city that does probono work for legal cases ... .you can usually find this information out at your local library. this way she will have a more difficult time doing anything legal against you as long as you have the documentation from the police and the hospital. DON'T FEEL BAD that you called 911 for her suicide threats ... .at the very least she will have a cooling down period ... .but she actually might start to get the help she actually needs.

YOU didn't  Cause this ... .YOU Can't Control it ... .YOU Can't Cure it ... .

I had a ex BPD gf the same way ... .it's the reason why I now have a Concealed Carry Permit ... .she had access to a gun and was over heard telling another woman, "If I can't have him ... .no one will".  She as violent ... .still is to this day ... .I decided that I needed to rid myself of this toxic relationship ... .so I went total NC ... .I even had to privatized my phone number and change it four times and threaten her with legal actions if she continued ... .

I don't see anything good coming from this ... .I could be wrong ... .but when a woman pulls a knife ... .and tries to cut me with it ... .pulls out my hair ... .threatens suicide ... .then its time to call it and move on with your life ... .

You deserve better ... .you deserve to be in a loving relationship that is mutually respectful of each other ... .your son needs to see a good example of what a loving couple is suppose to be like ... .don't ever ... .NEVER stay together for the kids ... .it does more damage then you can possible imagine ... .

You and your son get to a safe place ... .file the police report ... .and don't hesitate to call 911 if she threatens again ... .

Stay in touch, let us know your safe ... .

be strong for not only yourself ... .but your son ... .

JQ

[JQ]

I'm a 27 year old man with a bald patch that lucky can be covered by my long hair where she pulled it out.  I pissed blood the other morning from her kicking me in the groin repeatedly and she is telling me I don't care about her.  I'm sorry to rant on here, I just don't know who to tell this to and I am going to go crazy if I don't tell somebody.  I want to cry or something but just feel completely empty inside except when I am with my son.  I wish I foul have evidence of all of this and get myself and him away, but she has told me that if something like that happened she would make sure I didnt have custody or see him, or that she would kill herself.  I don't want him to experience this and have to learn to live with this stuff, but I don't want him to live a life without a mother.

What am I supposed to do?

I missed your second post ... .dude if your pissing blood ... .you need to go  get yourself checked out ... .their could be some major life threaten damage not only to your package but to other internal organs ... .seriously ... .go see a doc.

In addition to that ... .there is a section on these boards to help with the legal, child custody issues ... .seek out their counsel and guidance too. YOU are not alone ... .You've reached out for help ... .we're hear to do what we can for you ... .

be safe ... .

JQ

JQ

[Svarl1]

Man, I see you're in a bad bad place.

I have myself been subject to violence of similar type, including the hair-pulling and punching.

Let me tell you, it will NOT stop until you leave.

You might be thinking things like:

"Tomorrow will be better"

"If I don't ____ then she won't ____"

"I can take this a day at a time"

"We can get help together"

"I'll take the pain for my kid"

In my experience these all amount to burying your head in the sand.

If she feels like hurting you then she will ALWAYS find herself an excuse, no matter how you behave.

When I was getting it, i would sometimes keep my mouth shut, sit in the corner or tiptoe about. No matter. She would ALWAYS find a reason. I think it's probably the same for you.

The difference is that I don't have a child like you do.

So I might not know what I'm talking about, but i can imagine the sacrifices that a parent is willing to put himself through.

HOWEVER, I reckon the flip side is that your son's welfare is actually the biggest reason that you both need to get out.

If you read anything about what happens to a person who grew up with a BPD parent, you will soon find the motivation to get you both free.

And take it from me, I've not just read about it, i've SEEN it across 3 generations of blighted lives in one certain family i know.

Call the police, as JQ suggests, speak to a lawyer, set your phone to record audio of her behaviour, do whatever it takes. DO IT NOW.

If it costs you money, even thousands, this will be a tiny sum, compared to the destruction and waste that you and your son will suffer if you stay.

And if she makes threats of suicide, of counter-accusations, denial of access to your son? These are frightening and powerful sounding threats, but think! You will not be the first to face such threats, or to overcome then. In fact cop or a lawyer must have heard such things a hundred times!

They sound powerful because, when she's raging at you, your horizon shrinks to the size of the room, your thoughts aren't so clear, your partner seems big and clever, and your own options seem limited. Just keep reminding yourself this is not reality.

PLEASE get yourself and your son out of there, and let us know how you did it so that others can follow.

Best Wishes

[Brood]

I can't speak from the view of someone with children but my partner has BPD traits, she has physically assaulted me, cut herself, destroyed things she valued in anger.

I know what these moments are like and they are completely out of your control. You are a bigger man than me however, I can not take physical abuse for long before I react, especially after the amount of time I've been dealing with her bullsh*t. I never hit her, but once during one of our more violent fights she was pulling my hair, spitting in my face, slapping me as hard as she could where ever she could, trying and succeeding to cut my face with her fingernails... She tried coming at me, scratching my face and kneeing me in the groin, seeing red at this point, she came at me again and I checked (pushed) her, she flew back in to the corner of a wall where she slumped down COMPLETELY shocked that I had done that (it was the first time I had been physical with her). She kept screaming but went to her room and eventually came out apologetic, begging for forgiveness which unfortunately I gave out for free. I was so disappointed in myself immediately after pushing her...

I am NOT saying violence works, I am saying that there may come a time you react poorly and there is absolutely no reason you should be allowing someone to hurt your body to the point where you piss blood. One day you might flip, go just as crazy as her, see red and do something you can't take back. Your mind is not impenetrable and you are allowing some SERIOUS abuse to go on unchecked toward you and near your son.

You need to get checked out, have your doctor note your injuries, gather evidence in support of your upcoming custody battle (should be quite easy at this point), file a police report, have the police note your injuries with supplemental documents from your doctor, take your son from the home and get it dealt with. I thought that the actions of my s/o were outrageous... .I really feel for you.  :'(  

Tangent- In the past a roommate attacked me, he was apparently smoking heroin in his room, and I got a black eye, many cuts and bruises. I went to the doctor and told him what happened, I asked for him to record my injuries so I can present them to the police, I went to the station, filed a restraining order and gave them the list of injuries my doctor noted, they confirmed the injuries and a month later he was removed from the apartment. This process will be similar to yours I think, you have to act quickly though before the evidence is gone. This evidence will be KEY in winning this custody battle because after what you have told us, she is CERTAINLY not fit to be this child's mother and luckily, or rather unluckily, for you she covers you in evidence of this fact. Use it!

When we get in to physical fights now, I quickly stand up, tell her to stop acting aggressive towards me and when she inevitably comes at me I grab her arm firmly, wrap my arms around hers so she can't hurt me with her hands, I wrap my legs around hers so she cant kick/knee me in the groin and luckily shes short enough that her flailing head only hurts my chest. I back against a wall so I have all the leverage and we stand there until she's tired, and then I pick her up and put her on her bed so she can cry/breath. I leave her there until I hear the crying stop and then I enter and ask if I can lay down next to her, usually it's an angry no. But if its a reluctant no, then I know her mood spike is over and all I have to do is hug her until she feels better.

God man, I know how hard this is. There's really no right answer. But the most important thing to understand is the NO ONE DESERVES TO BE TREATED LIKE THAT.

Not you, not her. No one. And she is NEVER going to take the steps needed to keep you and your child safe. She has extreme issues and you need to have the courage to make it right before your family is irreparably damaged. I just joined this community a few days ago but I know I will be here for a while as I follow through with my break up and there's a whole lot more people here who want to help you as I have learned in just a few days of being active here.   Good luck Roman, and keep strong for you and your son.

[JQ]

Roman,

In addition to recording rants on your phone ... .you have a digital recorder on your phone most likely ... .open it up, set it to record and put it in your pocket when she starts her rants and physical abuse while you two are in the same room. This is another tool to give to the lawyers when you go to them. Set up your phone in the corner of the room and video record. You have to learn to protect yourself ... .MORE IMPORTANT you have to protect your child.  MY ex BPD gf  ex-husband saw this and decided to divorce her and did the best he could and received a 50/50 split on visitation but she was no where near your physical abuse.

You have to start thinking about how to move on from her ... .you have to seek out therapy ... .not only for yourself ... .BUT your son because he's seen and or heard things or will in the future. No amount of hiding in the corner, walking on eggshells is going to change her behavior ... .you're going to have to tell her that her behavior and physical attacks, emotional attacks on you are not acceptable ... .and leave the house if you can ... .take your child with you. YOU have to stand up for yourself ... .because what you've been doing hasn't and won't work. Learn to say NO!  NO to the verbal, physical and emotional abuse!  

As Svari1 suggest, if you stay, this is going to cost you a lot more money ... .trust me. I like others in the group have spent ... .THOUSANDS of dollars in a relationship with BPD. It will never ... .NEVER be enough !  But more than money ... .if you stay it will cost you an untold amount on your soul ... .on your well being ... .on your health mental and physical ... .it will cost you more than you can possibly fathom right now ... .she's one of the worse cases I've read about with actually grabbing the knife and causing you bodily injury ... .yes it was only a few scratches ... .but does that really make a difference? REALLY?   It's only because of the knife that she grab that  you're here reading these messages to you. Had she grabbed a different knife ... .you might NOT be here ... .but more importantly ... .  YOUR SON would grow up with her as her mother causing untold damage to his soul, his mental health ... .and preventing him from having a loving and respectful caring relationship.

Get you AND your SON the help YOU both DESERVE!

Stay safe ... .be well ... .let us know you're ok too

JQ