Court in 1 month, uBPDh hasn't seen baby since March/May

[Indyan]

I'll try to summarize.

BPD went lose last summer just before going on hols, I kept contact when he was more and more considering me as an ennemy.

Autumn came and he became very hostile. He was staying then at his parents (his decision not mine) and visiting 9 mo baby at "our" home. Then took his own flat in December and demanded to take baby, all the while acting weird, agressive, paranoid.

He kept trying to take baby by force.

I asked my lawyer to send a letter proposing Saturdays 10AM-6:45PM.

He ignored the letter and took baby but at times that suited him.

He became more and more tyrannical, writing mad emails and doing everything he could to destroy me (sent the notice to the landlords, wrote to the benefits to say I cheated, demanded that I pay him back the stuff he'd bought - when at the time I was the one providing for the house! etc).

He also filed complaints accusing me of things I hadn't done (running him over, trespassing his home... .).

He sent loads of registered letters, emails, texts.

In March, I spent the whole Sunday at the police station (pics, fingerprints... .) for things I hadn't done. I was in terrible shock afterwards.

while baby was with ex.

The next day, he was sending me crazy texts + a registered letter to accuse me of "child sequestration".

I'd lost a lot of weight, was getting really depressed. The nightmare had to stop. I stopped contact.

It'd been lasting for 9 months.

A few days later I got a call from the police informing me that my family home 700 miles away had been shot from the roof opposite (he has a house just across the street). I'd told him I might go and live there when I almost ended up homeless... .This really added to my fear.

Since then, of course he's been harassing me more and more... .

In May, I had a lot of pressure from my L, so I organized a week-end with a priest at a monastery that's open to the public. Ex used to love and respect religious places (or so he claimed). At the end of the week-end, he set us all up. He pretended to be leaving by train but had asked his (slave) dad to come by car so they could take baby away. Drama and tragedy in that beautiful and serene place... .the priest was really shocked too.

Anyway, all this added to the fact that I don't trust him to take care of my son. He goes into rage very often, especially when disturbed in his sleep by someone. He can break things and become really scary. He can be very cruel, has very bad mood swings ranging from depression to anger, is totally delusional and feels persecuted (mainly by me).

I've explained all this in the report to the judge... .and I'm scared.

All his attack lies on the fact that "I've done everything I could to not let him see baby".

That is not true, and I provided the list of visits and what happened too.

But still, he won't have seen his baby for 3 months and not had him at his place for 5.

Not my choice, rather the consequences of his actions, accusations and threatening behaviour.

I keep thinking of how to expose things to the judge if she asks me questions.

Advice welcome, thanks in advance.

[ForeverDad]

I recall one empowering sentence in my custody evaluator's preliminary report back in 2007, "Mother cannot share 'her' child but father can."  He could see that she simply couldn't share without being ordered to a strict schedule.  Although your ex can make whatever allegations and claims, as long as they're unsubstantiated and you're not seen to be blocking, then you'll be okay.  Of course, without an ordered schedule, ordered exchange parameters and the other details, you as the parent who is the one parenting and absent an order can set the rules in the interim.

In addition to testifying about his concerning behaviors, you can ask the judge for a psych or a more in-depth custody evaluation.  Courts typically claim not to be able to distinguish between the claims as to which if any are valid so evaluators are often assigned to interview, test and provide professional conclusions and recommendations to the court.  Of course, if an expert is to be assigned make sure you get a reputable one with a proven track record for good reports.  Like in all professions, there are some good ones and some not.

[Indyan]

Thanks ForeverDad,

Here in France I don't think we get to choose the expert.

IF the judge actually AGREES for a psych eval, which apparently is rare.



I think the idea of "mental illness" is just not part of our culture