Adult son coming off alcohol exhibits bizzare behavior and makes wild accusation

[fogged-in]

My 36 year old son began his journey to sobriety in November.  He was living alone in the family home and was unable to support himself or sustain relationships.  He had been physically abusive to his significant other on at least 2 occasions.  In March I  received a bizarre phone call wherein my son makes explicitly graphic accusations of sexual abuse by me,  his deceased father, and his siblings and friends.  Apparently  he had spoken to family and friends regarding this prior to calling me.   On a second phone call which continued in the same vein, I became concerned that he was having some kind of  psychotic episode and I contacted the local police, in my absence, to intervene.  My son had spoken of a prior suicide attempt which he aborted.  The police recognized that my son was behaving in an unsafe manner and took him to the local hospital where he remained in the behavioral health unit for about a week.  He was able to act convincingly while in the hospital and was discharged into an outpatient program. He was not put into a dual diagnosis program, just AA.  He completed the outpatient program and slowly drifted out of AA.  I do believe he has remained sober, however he continues to alienate family and friends.

His behaviors toward me have become unacceptable.  He  has expressed in an email (again sent to me, his brother and sister, and family/friends) accusing me of atrocious physical and emotional abuse and expressing a desire to destroy me mentally, emotionally, and physically.  I am not at the family home and I have concerns about returning there.  I cannot ask him to leave as he is on the deed.  I do not know if I should consult an attorney  regarding the serious and continued accusations, of it I should obtain an order of protection from him, or if I should take steps to have him committed.   I am very concerned for his safety and the safety of people he engages with as he seems unstable, paranoid, and delusional, and seems to have no insight into his actions or empathy for others. For the time being I am disconnecting from him as have his siblings.  I have no one to speak to regarding this.  The therapist (LSW) he was seeing in outpatient followup does not return my calls and apparently is not obliged to speak to me due to issues of patient confidentiality.  I believe he was not properly diagnosed and the assumption that his actions were caused by alcohol and substance abuse alone, is detrimental to his well being.  What options do I have?  My son has always been generous, helpful, musically and intellectually gifted but has exhibited a cyclical emotional withdrawal issue since a young age which went unchallenged over the years due to his high functioning and only now, in retrospect, appears something that should have been addressed before now.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Kate4queen]

What a horrible situation to be in.

Accusations like this seem to happen quite a lot with people with BPD issues. If he is just spreading these lies around friends and family then how likely are those people to believe him if they know you?

I always look at it this way. The lies my son tells about me and my DH are told to people whose opinion doesn't really matter to me so I don't let them hurt me. I refuse to let his distorted image of me define who I am.

Now, if your son makes a legal threat against you? Then yes, I'd go and consult a lawyer. I'd also be consulting a lawyer about ways to safeguard your financial interest in your property.

It's sad watching our adult children behave in this way but you can't fix this for him. That's really difficult for us to grasp about our son as we watch him crash around.

The other thing you might consider is getting some counseling to protect your sense of self and identity because the worst thing that can happen is for you to get sucked in to your son's chaotic world.