When can we stop communicating?

[Slate78]

The kids are 14 and 15 and live with us full time. We are still harassed on a daily basis by their uBPD Mom and her husband. When can we actually stop communicating with her and block her contact? We are in Canada. Is it 18 or after full time education?

[ForeverDad]

I have no idea of the laws there - I'm in another country down south - but I would figure that once the children are Adults then all contact, if any, is up to the grown children and not enforced by the court.

I would think that any continuing support for schools or colleges past 18 would be a separate issue.  How long is she ordered to pay support pursuant to the written court order?  Does it end at age 18 or does she continue for additional education years?  If support goes longer then it would be just between you, her and the courts, separate from contact with the now grown children.  Of course, your local authorities (lawyers or courts) would know what applies locally.

[Slate78]

She is deliberately unemployed despite having three degrees, lived entirely off substantial child support for 13 years even though we had the kids 50/50 and now has nothing since the kids moved in with us. She has not paid a dime and will never pay for college or anything else. We don't pursue because it's not worth it to us and all she wants to do is cry poverty and try to make us and the kids feel bad for her. We have enough money to cover it and just want the kids to be happy. The separation/ custody was worked out through mediation/ lawyers and never went to court. So financially, there is nothing to discuss either.

[livednlearned]

Hi Slate78,

In the US the kids are minors until 18. After that they are emancipated. Maybe it's the same in Canada?

Are you concerned that she might take you to court if you set boundaries and end contact?

If you end contact, would you do it by simply not responding, or would you do it through a court action?

[ForeverDad]

The children are old enough to make some decisions for themselves.  If they would prefer not to have daily calls, I doubt any judge would force them to make or accept them that often.  Calls on alternating days might work for a start, then shifting to a couple times a week, then transition to weekly?

Also, they can decide how long to speak.  They can learn what we had to learn, the skill and empowerment to hang up.  Politely, of course.