I am 2 days out of leaving my BPD ex and feel so lost and confused

[shellshocked32]

I have left my partner who has BPD 2 days ago. We just got married and he cheated on me with 2 other people while I was sleeping in during our honeymoon and caught an STD that I do not have. It has also since come out that he has been cheating on me with 100's of people the whole time we have been in a monogamous relationship. When ever he gets caught out he becomes vicious and abusive and attacks me verbally calling me names that are so hurtful I will not repeat them here. He acts so in love with me when everything is going smoothly then becomes hateful and says the relationship is toxic and he is unhappy whenever things hit a rough patch. I have tried to escape the relationship on 2 other occasions but he always made me think my fears were my own paranoia which ultimately led to me taking him back. This time he is caught red handed and has flipped out knowing that 3 years of lies have finally caught up.

I feel so lost right now. I feel like my whole world is spinning out of control and the reality of what he has been doing to me and how all the pieces of the puzzle have fallen into place is devastating to me. I know I must implement ZERO CONTACT but 2 days in I feel like I've been smacked between the eyes with a 2x4

[OnceConfused]

Be happy because now the 2X4 will no longer be there to hit you.

That is so insane of him to sleep with 2 other during your honeymoon. You should feel relieved now his true self is revealed and you get out only after 2 days, instead of investing more years with him.

hang tough for now.

[DreamerGirl]

Sorry to hear the pain you are feeling shellshocked32.

How long have you been together?

I know it's so hard right,  I'm going through a breakup myself, trying to let my heart catch up with my head is the hardest part at the moment.

I had never actually caught mine out, and he always denied even though there was a lot of evidence, all the signs were there and when I have bought all this up to him, it has always turned ugly and he has projected back onto me saying I had trust issues.

I think eventually we get to a place where we can't even pretend or believe their version of events anymore, and in my opinion, that's a good thing even though it hurts so bad right now.

I'm trying to focus on what I need and want in a relationship.  Trust and respect are very big factors for me, which I have lost over the last few years with him.

If I stay with him, then I am giving up those values. 

As hard as it is for me right now, and I am only one week no contact at this stage, I believe I need to go through this pain so that I can one day find someone who loves and respects me.  It's day by day. 

Keeping coming here as we are and have all walked in your shoes and understand where you are coming from.