Dreading the possibility of the final goodbye

[goin_lost_in]

I've been living with my SO who has BPD for technically the past two months and it has come to the point where it seems as if I am the bad guy at the end.  All i've done for my SO was give her all the freedom she wants. I feel like i'm a second class citizen in here eyes.

It all started a six months ago when we initially met. She was an emotional wreck which i had taken the role of being her knight in shining armor.  I initially met her at my friends strip bar since she works as a dancer, but i payed no attention since i was trying to focus on myself.  We would conversate here and there, but nothing would happen since i knew it would be difficult for me to be with dancer because of trust issues. To make a long story short, i fell for her at her lowest moment when she was considering suicide.

Fast forward to the present where it has been a rollercoaster ride to reach here. I'm at the point where i'm numb and tired of it all.  This past Monday, we got into it because she left the club we were at with some dudes like a groupie. I text her that i couldn't take it anymore, so it was goodbye. Lol well not really goodbye since we live together in a studio, so there is no real seperation. She came to her senses since she eventually came home asap, but she was upset and angry at me for giving her the guilt trip.

When i came home, we spoke no words. I just ko'ed on the bed and left before she woke up. Later in the afternoon, i gave her a letter with a pretty open boundary that stated that if she found someone or moved out then we have to part ways. At the end of it, i told her that i want to still be with her and loved her, but it is ultimately her decision to want to work things out. Since both of us needed space, i went back to my dad's house where i still have a bedroom until she was ready to talk.

Now she is making it like i'm the manipulative one since i gave her the letter and haven't really contacted her since i went back to my dad's house. She states its the most wrong time in her life with her not being able to work and since she is both physically and emotionally messed up. She has money, and there are people to take her in.  She blocked me from social media because i wished she was happy and proud of her.  I wanted her to have some time alone, so she can think of what she is doing wrong.

Instead of her being wrong. I am the bad guy now because i want her in my life, but i know that i can't do the "just friends" when she's with someone else or when moves out. Am I wrong for doing setting that as a boundaries. I already taking so much in by letting her have the time while she dates other guys while other guys.

Instead of handling the situation right now where she hates me and needs to settle our living accomadations. She made plans for the night and will get back to me tomorrow when its  convenient for her. I'm already losing it since she's setting up dates and having fun while i'm away. I've already done so much by letting her stay at the studio for alone time. On top of that, I'm overstaying my welcome at my dads house. I can't tell him whats going on since he doesn't know that i have an SO living with me.

I know that i'll have to go back to the studio tomorrow. I'll just have to wait till i receive her email, but i already know what it states that i'm the jerk and we are just friends. How does one go from SO to being just friends? Please help and any advice on what should i do or say?

The studio is under me and i got all the furnishing. She moved about two weeks after i got the place since she needed a place to stay. My friends was about to kick her out yesterday since they see that i'm being taken advantage of though she helps with the rent. She has grown so much stronger compared to when she first moved in. I've became codependent on her while shes making moves to progress in her life. On top of that shes manwhoring right now which clearly shows a lack of respect.

[Lou12]

Hi Goin,

Firstly I would like to say well done to you. You have my friend demanded a boundary with a BPD! Not a lot of ppl are willing to do it through fear of the BPD rejecting them! BPDs absolutely hate boundaries, they will do anything to maintain control of the situation hence why she's making you wait with a reply email.

Stick to your guns, you've validated her by the sounds of things and told her you love her and want to be with her.

Do not back track by removing your boundary as this will set you up for further complications and the boundaries will constantly be stepped on.

My belief is that you have got to teach a BPD what's acceptable by your behaviour, just like a child. You can't prevent some of their behaviours but you absolutely must command her respect. They will shout about it at first but eventually they will learn what you are willing to tolerate. This is where people cave, as I did myself! I let my boundaries slip and my word did he take advantage!

Don't budge your boundaries for no one.

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