Narcissist soon to be ex husband

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Not sure if narcissism is the same as BPD. I've been married 25 years. He moved out Dec. 26, 2014 claiming he filed divorce he never did I had to. This battle has been ongoing due to him being a narcissist. For 20 of the 25 years he cheated on me regularly, hit the children until I forced him to stop then emotionally and verbally abused them. He's verbally abused me and emotionally abused me for all 25 years but, I had grown up with a narcissist father and a mother that was a manic depressive, schizophrenic so I never knew anything other than chaos and abuse. My children had been begging me to leave for 3 years now. They are ages 24, 16 and 14 they saw him for what he was though I was in denial. I feel like a fool and he acts as if none of us exist. When he left he threatened suicide though he wanted to leave and proceeded to make it look like I was the one that did all the things he did. He told co workers terrible things about me and my son works at the same place so this made him very uncomfortable. When my husband jumped state to go live with the new supply people saw that it was not me that was the problem. His mask began to slip. He raged at me often calling me names and threatening me repeatedly. He fought the divorce which is now going on since March. He gives me the silent treatment when he is angry but, I've been no contact since court on September 10th which he requested something I didn't know. He tried to force me to sign an agreement but, I felt uncomfortable in doing so and he went into a narcissistic rage in front of the judge who ordered mediation and also put down that he felt there was domestic violence involved. I had a restraining order when it all started because he threatened me so much. He makes sure I see he his super happy on social media which hurts since I was the one he claimed ruined his entire life because I wouldn't let him do what he wanted or spend what he wanted. The years were hard as he always had a spending problem and we've been evicted and even foreclosed on. Even now he has severe debt that he blames on me though we haven't lived together in 9 months. It's very hard shouldering all the blame. I am trying to heal from this from what he did to the children and myself. He won't speak to our kids. He said goodbye to one of them on the 26th of December then claims when he came to get his clothes in January that they got up and walked away when he showed up. They didn't do that they sat waiting to see if he would explain why he left and why he wouldn't speak to them, they knew already as my 16 year old is into psychology and had me read up about narcissism. I've been to therapy as have the kids but, it's still really rough that he just acts like all those years never happened. I've been told in time I will heal the kids are doing much better than me. They just act as if he's dead they don't talk about him or anything. They're therapist said it's fine they have mourned him and actually started a few years ago that they felt as if they've been raised by a single parent(myself) all their lives. I truly failed them in protecting them. I know they are doing better now that he is gone but, they should have never gone through this in the first place if I hadn't been so damn scared to leave.  Thank you for listening.

[MorgannaD]

Not sure if narcissism is the same as BPD. I've been married 25 years. He moved out Dec. 26, 2014 claiming he filed divorce he never did I had to. This battle has been ongoing due to him being a narcissist. For 20 of the 25 years he cheated on me regularly, hit the children until I forced him to stop then emotionally and verbally abused them. He's verbally abused me and emotionally abused me for all 25 years but, I had grown up with a narcissist father and a mother that was a manic depressive, schizophrenic so I never knew anything other than chaos and abuse. My children had been begging me to leave for 3 years now. They are ages 24, 16 and 14 they saw him for what he was though I was in denial. I feel like a fool and he acts as if none of us exist. When he left he threatened suicide though he wanted to leave and proceeded to make it look like I was the one that did all the things he did. He told co workers terrible things about me and my son works at the same place so this made him very uncomfortable. When my husband jumped state to go live with the new supply people saw that it was not me that was the problem. His mask began to slip. He raged at me often calling me names and threatening me repeatedly. He fought the divorce which is now going on since March. He gives me the silent treatment when he is angry but, I've been no contact since court on September 10th which he requested something I didn't know. He tried to force me to sign an agreement but, I felt uncomfortable in doing so and he went into a narcissistic rage in front of the judge who ordered mediation and also put down that he felt there was domestic violence involved. I had a restraining order when it all started because he threatened me so much. He makes sure I see he his super happy on social media which hurts since I was the one he claimed ruined his entire life because I wouldn't let him do what he wanted or spend what he wanted. The years were hard as he always had a spending problem and we've been evicted and even foreclosed on. Even now he has severe debt that he blames on me though we haven't lived together in 9 months. It's very hard shouldering all the blame. I am trying to heal from this from what he did to the children and myself. He won't speak to our kids. He said goodbye to one of them on the 26th of December then claims when he came to get his clothes in January that they got up and walked away when he showed up. They didn't do that they sat waiting to see if he would explain why he left and why he wouldn't speak to them, they knew already as my 16 year old is into psychology and had me read up about narcissism. I've been to therapy as have the kids but, it's still really rough that he just acts like all those years never happened. I've been told in time I will heal the kids are doing much better than me. They just act as if he's dead they don't talk about him or anything. They're therapist said it's fine they have mourned him and actually started a few years ago that they felt as if they've been raised by a single parent(myself) all their lives. I truly failed them in protecting them. I know they are doing better now that he is gone but, they should have never gone through this in the first place if I hadn't been so damn scared to leave.  Thank you for listening.

[enlighten me]

Hi Morganna

Welcome to the family.

Whether its NPD or BPD or something else I couldn't say. Cluster B personality disorders can mix and match with the symptoms and also be co-morbid. Its very complicated and depending on what mood the person is in can depend on what is prevalent.

I wouldn't pay to much attention to social media. No one shows whats really going on only an image of happiness and perfection. Its a trap a lot of people fall into.

I think the majority of people here blamed themselves for the failure of the relationship. We also blame ourselves for staying too long and allowing ourselves to be treated how we were. Be gentle with yourself over this. I was putting up with things that I never would have but I was not in control of my thoughts as they were so mixed up by my exs behaviour that I didn't know up from down.

Your not alone in this.

It may be worth reading the lessons on the leaving board and family law.

Please keep reading and keep posting. It really does help.