3 weeks 3 days ST I called he answered listened didn't speak

[blackorchid]

So I just stopped resisting my urge to call him. He answered on the third ring. Listened to me for around thirty seconds and hung up without a word spoken by him 

Anyone has something like this? Why answer if he doesn't want to speak

[EaglesJuju]

Hi Blackorchid,

That sounds really strange. 

It could be a couple of reasons why he did not say anything. He may have felt so much shame when you called, that he could not speak to you. Also, it could be that he a picked it up and accidently hit mute. Or his phone got cut off.

What happened that initiated the silent treatment?

[Daniell85]

I know the game he is playing.

He misses you and considers he made a mistake. But if he talks, you win. And if you win, he loses.

It's about control. Very often silent treatment is about control.

If you allow your sense of abandonment and loss to guide your actions, he is in control.

From personal experience, I would go quiet a couple of weeks, then try again. I am very serious about that. It's not you pestering the guy to try and touch base occasionally to see if he has calmed down enough to talk.

Aside from that, you mentioned that you moved from one country to another to be with him. What country did you move from and what country did you move to? A lot of times, cultural differences can create some havoc.

[blackorchid]

Hi EaglesJuJu he left about three and a half weeks now.  Packed everything up in the apartment and walked out,  he's dad came to stay and we argued which was apparently disrespectful to the dad.  The dad then said he wanted to move in with us permentently and I said no which was insulting his dad.  Without any discussion he just yelled at me and packed and left and we haven't spoken since.

Hey Daniell85 I moved from England to Turkey.  I'm in a very western city so it's not a Muslim issue.  He's not religious anyway.  The cultural havoc is only caused from his family.  I'm very aware that they do not want me or like me.  They would much prefer him to be with a Turkish girl.  Since he left I've had his mum on my back telling me to pack up and leave now. Go back home.  That I've wasted ten years of her sons life. That I never allow him to go back home to see them.  We live in a different city to him.   He recently finished military service and I know he has been down since he finished,  I have been the only one supporting him through that.  His loving family never come to visit or call. But I'm the black tarnished one

[subm4tic]

I'm thinking about break her ST and send her wishes for birthday ... .don't know what I should do ... .

[Daniell85]

If he has issues with his parents ( and he got BPD from somewhere, so probably dealing with them) that may have set off a disregulation that he is having a really hard time sorting out in his head and feelings.

Sometimes people just need time to work through it. I would leave him to it for a while.

[blackorchid]

Hi subm4tic did you try? I wouldn't suggest it. I tried calling today as I thought maybe it was too late when I called last night and that he couldn't talk as he is sharing a room ATM. he has now blocked my English number. So I have lost the last way I had of contacting him personally. Has anyone else had experience of being blocked across all forms of contact?

I know what you says makes sense thank you Daniell85. I guess I have no choice now but yo leave him to it... .All control has been officially taken of me and I don't particularly like that   :'(

[Daniell85]

sorry   It gets really hard sometimes. It's hard to sit and wait, it's hard trying not to do anything that would make it worse.

[blackorchid]

Thanks Daniell85