When they do wrong and blame you?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My uBPDbf opened a piece of my mail. He initially denied he did, then claimed by accident. I didn't get upset, he had to admit he did it in error (which I truly believe was a lie, but made no issue). He has turned it around claims I'm keeping secrets etc.

How do you deal with their guilt, when they are at fault?

Also when they offer help with anything you are supposed to thank them as if it's the greatest things by ever, yet they never truly follow through in their offer. Either way I end up loose - loose.

[FigureIt]

My uBPDbf opened a piece of my mail. He initially denied he did, then claimed by accident. I didn't get upset, he had to admit he did it in error (which I truly believe was a lie, but made no issue). He has turned it around claims I'm keeping secrets etc.

How do you deal with their guilt, when they are at fault?

Also when they offer help with anything you are supposed to thank them as if it's the greatest things by ever, yet they never truly follow through in their offer. Either way I end up loose - loose.

[unicorn2014]

Hi Figure it, you and I sound like we are struggling with similar issues. In this case I can share something my former therapist told me about my mother: she uses something called projectile guilt. She feels so guilty that she wants to make sure you feel guilty too.

In terms of the thankfulness thing, that sounds the FOG, fear obligation guilt. Have you ever read about that in stop walking on eggshells or on this site? Often times pwBPD use fear obligation and guilt to manipulate the people they are in relationships with to meet their needs.

[Mel1968]

I experience this a lot too FigureIt.

The most recent one is this week shes started going on and on about a woman I met a year ago at a conference, had a pleasant chat with and sent a message on Messenger to say it was nice to have someone to chat to at the conference, wished her well in her life, end of story.

At the time, uBPDgf and were over but she was still keeping tabs on me and asked if I'd connected with anyone at the conference (sexually she meant, everything is about sex with her) and I - quite truthfully said no, and just didn't mention this woman because it meant nothing and I knew she'd turn it into something it wasn't. (Nowadays I tell her about my every single human interaction but in those days I thought I could keep the peace by not mentioning inflammatory things)

So, a year later, she starts going on about how I'd met this woman, stalked her, hounded her, and the only reason I'm not with her now is because she never replied to me. I've explained what actually happened a couple of times and asked her several times how she knew about the woman . I know that she's hacked into my facebook account and gone through my phone, several times in fact. But she just doesn't answer that, and just keeps going on about my lying infidelity, has dumped me because of it in fact, like I actually did stalk this woman, yesterday, and gf didn't hack my account or hang on to this Evidence for a year to bring it out totally at random... .

Crazy making indeed!