Hello

[Depression = 72% of members]

I have recently, July 11th to be exact, entered into a relationship with a woman who I knew over 30 years ago when we were part of the same larger group of people who used to go out to pubs/clubs in our home town. I didn’t really speak much to her back then and was more friendly with a couple of her friends than her.

We met up through the magic of Facebook earlier this year and after a few weeks of chatting back and forwards finally met face to face. We hit it off and things moved very quickly with us moving in together shortly afterwards. She has her own flat and we live in my house although I’m always at pains to say it’s our home.

As we got to know each other more and more things started to emerge about her past, some of which I was vaguely aware of, and others that I had no idea. She has suffered physical and emotional abuse very  badly at the hands of her first husband and has been let down by other partners including a second husband who cheated on her. There are other things too any one of which would have had a catastrophic effect on a person, let alone all of them together. A lot of this information was revealed very early on.

After the initial honeymoon period things started to go ‘tits up’ after I allegedly said something at a family meeting which I have no recollection of doing. Since then, when something stressful has started to loom in her life I noticed a change on her normal loving behaviour to a person that I did not recognise.

The most recent blow out, which follow the same pattern,  was at the end of last week where after threatening to leave all week long she went on the Saturday and stayed out overnight. I know where she was but she doesn’t know that I know. She returned home on Sunday to arrange moving out but after a long discussion about things she is still at home. Or was when I left to go to work today!

At first I had no idea what was going on but, amongst other medication, she has tablets for depression which she doesn’t take and that led me to researching various MH issues. I stumbled across BPD and it’s like a light has been switched on. So many of the traits are like reading a diary of the last 3 months that it’s scary.

As a result of my reading up on the matter I now have a better idea of what is going on. I have some idea of how to react to situations now and when to say something and when to keep quiet. A big step for both of us was when she admitted that she does have issues and the reasons that she doesn’t take her medication. ( the feeling of being out of it, the fact that people might think she is some sort of lunatic that can’t cope etc etc) .

She is now back on her medication for depression and speaking about going back to her Dr to see if there is other meds available with different side effects.

I have a feeling that if it’s going to work between us then it’s going to be a long journey with a few setbacks but locating places like this has been a revelation for me and made me realise that I’m not the only one in this position.

[juniorswailing]

I have recently, July 11th to be exact, entered into a relationship with a woman who I knew over 30 years ago when we were part of the same larger group of people who used to go out to pubs/clubs in our home town. I didn’t really speak much to her back then and was more friendly with a couple of her friends than her.

We met up through the magic of Facebook earlier this year and after a few weeks of chatting back and forwards finally met face to face. We hit it off and things moved very quickly with us moving in together shortly afterwards. She has her own flat and we live in my house although I’m always at pains to say it’s our home.

As we got to know each other more and more things started to emerge about her past, some of which I was vaguely aware of, and others that I had no idea. She has suffered physical and emotional abuse very  badly at the hands of her first husband and has been let down by other partners including a second husband who cheated on her. There are other things too any one of which would have had a catastrophic effect on a person, let alone all of them together. A lot of this information was revealed very early on.

After the initial honeymoon period things started to go ‘tits up’ after I allegedly said something at a family meeting which I have no recollection of doing. Since then, when something stressful has started to loom in her life I noticed a change on her normal loving behaviour to a person that I did not recognise.

The most recent blow out, which follow the same pattern,  was at the end of last week where after threatening to leave all week long she went on the Saturday and stayed out overnight. I know where she was but she doesn’t know that I know. She returned home on Sunday to arrange moving out but after a long discussion about things she is still at home. Or was when I left to go to work today!

At first I had no idea what was going on but, amongst other medication, she has tablets for depression which she doesn’t take and that led me to researching various MH issues. I stumbled across BPD and it’s like a light has been switched on. So many of the traits are like reading a diary of the last 3 months that it’s scary.

As a result of my reading up on the matter I now have a better idea of what is going on. I have some idea of how to react to situations now and when to say something and when to keep quiet. A big step for both of us was when she admitted that she does have issues and the reasons that she doesn’t take her medication. ( the feeling of being out of it, the fact that people might think she is some sort of lunatic that can’t cope etc etc) .

She is now back on her medication for depression and speaking about going back to her Dr to see if there is other meds available with different side effects.

I have a feeling that if it’s going to work between us then it’s going to be a long journey with a few setbacks but locating places like this has been a revelation for me and made me realise that I’m not the only one in this position.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Chilibean13]

Welcome to the board. Lots of helpful information and support here. Recovery definately takes some time. I'm glad to hear she is willing to try to get help. Now is the time for you to learn how to help not only her but yourself too

[an0ught]

Hi juniorswailing,

A big step for both of us was when she admitted that she does have issues and the reasons that she doesn’t take her medication. ( the feeling of being out of it, the fact that people might think she is some sort of lunatic that can’t cope etc etc) .

If it is BPD then medication can at times support but it is therapy that is needed.

I have a feeling that if it’s going to work between us then it’s going to be a long journey with a few setbacks but locating places like this has been a revelation for me and made me realise that I’m not the only one in this position.

You don't have a long relationship yet. Protect your boundaries - respect is key to stability of such a relationship.

,

a0