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How to communicate after a contentious divorce... Following a contentious divorce and custody battle, there are often high emotion and tensions between the parents. Research shows that constant and chronic conflict between the parents negatively impacts the children. The children sense their parents anxiety in their voice, their body language and their parents behavior. Here are some suggestions from Dean Stacer on how to avoid conflict.
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Author Topic: Lack of Dating?  (Read 355 times)
SummerStorm
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Friend
Posts: 926



« on: October 18, 2015, 05:51:27 PM »

Obviously, pwBPD form attachments quickly.  So, what I'm curious about is how long it took you to become "official" with your exBPD.  My former friend BPD is very much like a teenager, in that after one or two dates, she is "in a relationship." 

When she was thinking of leaving her boyfriend for me and asked me to get an apartment with her, she actually said to me, "Most couples get to wait before moving in together, but I need a place to live now."  I was in love with her at that point and had known her for eight months when she said that to me, so I was stupidly fine with that "logic," but it did annoy me that she wanted to jump right from being friends to being in a relationship and living together without even going on a date first.

She became official with her ex a few days after meeting him in person, and she became official with her new boyfriend today.  Less than two weeks ago, she was still on Tinder. 

So, how long did it take?  A date?  A week?   
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So when will this end it goes on and on/Over and over and over again/Keep spinning around I know that it won't stop/Till I step down from this for good - Lifehouse "Sick Cycle Carousel"
Creativum
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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 91


« Reply #1 on: October 18, 2015, 05:59:27 PM »

Oh yep I got this, too.  We spent a grand total of TWO nights apart after we met, and were "official" on the third date. It was a RUSH! He dumped someone out of the blue to begin a relationship with me.  And then, of course, ideas of finding an apartment together and all that, after two months.  Mine works part-time in a museum gift shop and lives with his parents, so he was quite happy to have me come along with my professional credentials, connections, and salary ... .and I paid for a LOT of things until I realized he was always hesitant to open up his own wallet.  I think using HIS money would mean he's showing more commitment than he's comfortable with and/or he's also a total gold digging narcissist (jury's still out).  I digress.  Anyway, yeah, there's one born every day, so they always find some schmuck like you or me to join them in a relationship after the second date.
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MakingMyWay
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 69



« Reply #2 on: October 18, 2015, 07:19:26 PM »

Happened to me as well with my uBPDx. We were trying to organise dates for our formal so we talked a lot in a group chat of four people for a few months but we were only talking one on one for about two weeks. We met once in real life before I asked her out online. Well I didn't really ask her out, I implied that I was interested on going on a date with her and she took as if I wanted her to be my girlfriend RIGHT NOW, at this very moment. I should have slowed it down there but I was infatuated with her obviously and she was infatuated with me, plus it was going to happen anyway so I didn't see an issue  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post). So technically we were bf and gf before our first date even happened and after meeting irl only once. We were 'facebook official' about two weeks after that. It was both our first 'proper' relationship so we both thought it was normal when really it was a Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post).

I'm seeing the same pattern repeat with my replacement. They just suddenly decided to be bf and gf one day without ever really dating. Became 'facebook official' about two weeks after that. Its pretty eye opening seeing the cycle repeat itself almost exactly. Its almost like she's reliving our relationship through this new guy. Maybe my replacement won't be so blind or maybe he'll be like me and stick around for 3 years. Good luck to them anyway.
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