Paranoid, delusional letter arrived from no contact son and dil.

[whiplashed_mom]

I switched to the parent's board, sadly, because my son convinced me that he is now also mentally ill. (Also, it seems more appropriate than the in law group as long as they are married.)

In Feb they told us they were expecting a baby. Thought all was well considering. Early March was the last time I've seen or spoken to them. This was when my husband fell from the pedestal and we, our church and all connected with us turned black. We got the shocking phone call, being cut off for indeterminate time.

In July we got a letter saying they had just moved and that we had done many wrong things,(none actually happened) so we were not to contact them for at least a year. She wrote, but he signed. The baby's due date passed, and now he must be two months old.

Out of the blue, we got the most disturbing letter, this week. Even though we haven't communicated with them, they write, God has been telling them all the curses we've put on them, and the slanders we've been spreading about them. They fear we want control of their child. God told them we need to repent and leave the (devil worshipping-implied) religion we've been following for years.

All of this stems from her BPD, all of it. But what's w him? Do co-dependents become delusional, too? Can they become BPD,too? Is this common? He signed this letter, and he may have even had something to do with writing it. I'm scared for them. Before he dated her we were a big happy family. No signs of mental illness. She has total control of his mind, now.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[whiplashed_mom]

Oh, and even though in all these months we've not asked anyone, we were warned to not try to find out anything about them. They will warn the few remaining people who know where they are to not speak to us.

   Because of the things God supposedly told them we were doing, they say we may never have contact with them, again. 

He also mailed an old lap top to my husband's co., but not to him, that he used four or five years ago, when he worked for his Dad. He wrote that he felt convicted about having it, still. Yet another thing we have to explain along with why we've never seen our grandchild, nephew.

Is anyone else seeing their child get sucked into the borderline's illness?

[AVR1962]

From your post I take it that it is your sons' wife that has BPD and you are wondering why your son is being convinced of her lies?

Let me share with you a situation that I have lived and perhaps this will start to make some sense to you as to how your son is following his wife's delusional world. When I married my first husband I thought he was madly in love with me, told me he would commit suicide if I didn't marry him. He told me stories how he had been physically abused by his father and how his father never loved him because he wasn't an athlete. I had a great deal of compassion for the things my husband told me and had no reason to believe any of it was not true. The lies were constant and they were all to train me to be his allie and biggest support. He was extremely needy and wanted constant verbal affirmation of my love for him, very huggy and liked to cuddle all of which I enjoyed very much. He was always voicing how much he loved me. Unfortunately that was only one part of his personality.

The other side of this man was hostile and I do mean hostile. He would literally go into these full bodies tantrum over whatever subject. He would threaten me, mostly to find a another woman to have sex with if I had turned him down. He would pound on walls, doors, break things. He blamed our kids for leaving his tools in the rain when they had not touched his tools. This was the insane side of him. I learned to do whatever I could to keep him happy. I realized he lied and I would question some things but I had no idea the magnitude of his destruction til we divorced.

He divorced me when I found out he was having an affair, found out too that he cheated on me our entire 7 years marriage. I had friends that told me they stopped coming around because he was making advances on them. Several girls came forward and told me stories of how he treated them much like I described he treated me, telling them how much he loved them. I was his puppet, these other ladies were also his puppets. He was very successful at his manipulation. Once people started coming forward with the truth I started looking into more situations he had told me about and found I had been told nothing but lies our entire marriage. I felt like he had brain washed me in a sense.

I had never, at this point, heard of people being like this and at the time there was no name or label.

My ex did not stop with the lies to me and others, he started in on the kids... .warping their minds to make them believe I had done him wrong and he was the victim. The girls would come back from visits and tell me what he had said, all lies to make me look bad, he was trying to alienate them from me. I'd call him and ask him why he was saying these things to the kids and then he would tell me that they were not being truthful, that he never said these things. Or he would tell me that he thought I had told him this or that he thought this is what had happened. There was no way, it was all lies and all done to do damage.

I started having the same sort of trouble with my oldest daughter once her dad left, she was acting out in school, wasn't treating her sister or friends well, hostile and blaming towards me. I could not even hep her with her math, she told me I didn't know how to do it (she was like 2nd/3rd grade). Years of craziness from my daughter, promiscuous behavior and the boy was always to blame. I could see the simulates in her and my ex's personality and their behavior so I figured it might be a genetic thing. When I caught he in a lie and she would admit it she told me she didn't know why she was doing what she was doing. By the time she was 17 her behavior had peaked and I was at fault for everything, she was diagnosed with BPD when she was 18. I figured my ex too had BPD as I could almost predict he behavior based on what I had endured with him and I knew how much he had lied about everything but even with her I go sucked in.

My BPD daughter's husband has been thru an awful lot with my daughter. She left him once, saying she was staying with a male friend who was just a friend... .how in the world she convinced him that this was okay and innocent is beyond me but these people are very manipulative. This is the closest he ever has come to seeing thru her lies. He is the puppet for my daughter just like I was the puppet for my ex. He too has more than likely been brain washed to so many lies about her life and about whoever she wants him to stay away from.

All this likely explains what your son is dealing with if his wife has BPD. He supports the woman he loves and has no clue to he destruction. The only time the puppet wakes up is if the manipulator is done with them and discards them. When the manipulator is done using their puppet they walk away and it is the puppet that is left caught off guard and dumb founded.

[whiplashed_mom]

Thank you for your story. I am so sorry for all that you've had to deal with.

Like you must be, I am heartbroken.

She spoke nothing but over the top flattery of my husband, my son and, occasionally me, at first. She told me that our family would be the only ones allowed to sit her future children. I'm sure he was pleased that she admired the family that he loved. Now, he's convinced of the opposite, though we did nothing to cause the change.