trusting yourself

[healingdaisy]

I've recently become aware of a behaviour in the BPD's I've known that has affected my behaviour.  imo my mother is uBPD (waif/queen), the behaviour  I've noticed is that when she talks about other members of my family she makes out that she is the best of buddies with them and tries to make me feel like I hardly know that family member at all, like an attempt of alienation or exclusion. this in turn has made me anxious and very unsure of the foundations of my relationships. I think the emotion behind her behaviour is bitter jealousy that I am capable of having meaningful relationships whereas she is only ever involved in her 'game of manipulation' that people always become tired of.

I now let all her hot air just move past me, remembering the reality of her life and limitations.  its made a profound change in my feelings about myself and others.  i'd recommend applying this awareness with them and trusting the good relationships you have and protecting them as much as you can from BPD's by not divulging too much information about those relationships to the individual with BPD. 

[Kwamina]

Hi healingdaisy and welcome to Coping & Healing

You raise an important point about trusting yourself. When you are raised in a BPD environment, trust (in self and others) is one of the things that really gets eroded or is even made impossible from the very start.

I am glad you are able to recognize your mother's behavior for what it is now, merely a projected distortion coming from her BPD mind but not a reflection of reality at all.

Do other members of your family also believe your mother is disordered?

[healingdaisy]

hi kwamina   yes, other members of my extended family have noticed that her behaviour is 'off'.  but to be honest imo BPD rarely hits one family member, it seems to be a part of a family system.  like my mother is BPD, my father was npd, one sister is npd and the other BPD.  then theirs my BPD grandmother and BPD aunts.  it seems to spread and interact with other members.  possibly even causing other pd's?

yes, self trust is eroded, not encouraged and even punished from the get go.  so its no wonder nons have issues with trust in other relationships   

[Kwamina]

but to be honest imo BPD rarely hits one family member, it seems to be a part of a family system.  like my mother is BPD, my father was npd, one sister is npd and the other BPD.  then theirs my BPD grandmother and BPD aunts.  it seems to spread and interact with other members.  possibly even causing other pd's?

Yeah this unfortunately has been my experience too. Got an uBPD mom, an uBPD sis, a brother with strong narcissistic traits and also an uBPD uncle (my mother's brother). My other sister isn't BPD, but she has unfortunately copied some of my mother's Waif&Hermit tendencies.

Being a part of such a dysfunctional family system can be hugely challenging. By doing the work we do here and applying the tools, we can start to break free from this cycle of conflict and dysfunction.

[healingdaisy]

Yeah this unfortunately has been my experience too. Got an uBPD mom, an uBPD sis, a brother with strong narcissistic traits and also an uBPD uncle (my mother's brother). My other sister isn't BPD, but she has unfortunately copied some of my mother's Waif&Hermit tendencies.

wow... .it sounds like you got the whole deck too! in doing the work on myself I am noticing the changes, hard as some of them are... .it is the only way out of the dysfunction and forward; to do the work and apply strong boundaries to these relationships