Smart young woman

[Whopie]

Hi,

First time here. Trying to find how to convince my niece, who is daughter-like to me (I'm her aunt) to go into Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) or just get help.  She meets all the criteria for BPD & was once diagnosed with PTSD. I witnessed abuse in her childhood from her mother to include constant family financial instability. Some of the details: She a single mother (pregnant at 17), 8 year old son. Her mother took off with her when she was 12 years old and she recontacted me in 2008. I purchased a car for her, with condition that she get a four year college degree and not get pregnant during college. She's taken this long to almost graduate and pregnant a few time along the way too, with bad emotional endings.  I figured in 2014 that she has ptsd-c.  It took me while to figure but she fits all this criteria. All her personal relationships are unstable and the closer ones generally end in the criminal justice system. She's accused me recently of stealing her dog, threatens to take me to court/police, and accused her last two boyfriends of physical and emotional abuse. She went on her best friend's Facebook page and sent out emails to the poor girl's boyfriend of mean & hurtful statements. Many other things too. She threatens suicide a lot, says all the time that she empty inside, and says that everyone leaves her. She spins out of control as she accuses people close to her that they are victimizing her... .all the time while she severely in attack mode. She would go check herself into the hospital when she would get suicidal a few years back and now won't go at all. I got a call from her former boyfriend that he had to call the police last night because she texted him that she was going to kill herself.  Apparently, the police came and said that she did not meet the criteria to take her in for observation.

I went in May 15 to stay with her for one week when her boyfriend broke up with her and she was suicidal. She got mad at me during this visit and now doesn't want anything more to do with me.  I have received hang-up calls form a private number that I think it's her... .just checking to make sure I'm there. I also sometimes get these raging texts that say she going to take me to court for stealing her dog. 

Here's some of the good things: She has done significantly better in the psat when taking a Prozac-like drug; however, she says it does no good & she's been off now for over a year. It's taken her almost 8 years, but after this semester she has 9 more units to complete a 4-year accounting degree. She has not cut herself... .from what I/her boyfriends can see. 

But... .I took her to a DBT place and showed her where to get help when I went to visit her in May, but she's appeared to block that idea now & gets mad when anyone says to get help. She's so distrustful, has a full plate with school, working 32+ hrs per week, and young child, house to run. She's such a smart girl with such a low level of emotional intelligence. She's alienated everyone from her life. 

What can I do now to help her when it does not appear that she knows what's going on?

No one can seem to get through to her. Any suggestions of how to reach her?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

hi Whopie,

I'm glad you are here looking for ways to help your niece.  She sounds like she is under a great deal of stress (school, relationships, no support from family, raising a child).  This would be stressful for anyone, multiply x 10 for a person with low level or no coping skills and low distress tolerance.

Getting her to help herself is no easy task.  Before she will hear you she will need to feel that you are worthy of trust and that you aren't judging her.  We have the skills and tools here that can help you rebuild your relationship with her.  It will take a great deal of investment on your part to do this.  I have no doubt you can because your niece isn't the only one who sounds like a bright woman.