Daughter 31 years old

[Parents! Get help here!]

Our daughter  31 refuses to speak to us.  Claims she has c ptsd ... .but my counsellor believes it to be BPD or narcissism.  Feel so ashamed if it really is cptsd.  She only talks to one sibling.  Has shut out the rest of the family.  I want to know if this is BPD or what?  I would like to hear from others.  She has 2 MAs. Her one sister has not communicated with family for 4 years.  Both involved in military... a closed group. Daughter claims I caused the cptsd. Her father and i raised 4 children... .34 years married.

...

[Topsey]

Our daughter  31 refuses to speak to us.  Claims she has c ptsd ... .but my counsellor believes it to be BPD or narcissism.  Feel so ashamed if it really is cptsd.  She only talks to one sibling.  Has shut out the rest of the family.  I want to know if this is BPD or what?  I would like to hear from others.  She has 2 MAs. Her one sister has not communicated with family for 4 years.  Both involved in military... a closed group. Daughter claims I caused the cptsd. Her father and i raised 4 children... .34 years married.

...

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[twojaybirds]

I don't know what your daughter has, I do read that you feel ashamed and confused (to say the least).

Those feelings are not foreign to me and probably most others on this board.

One of the greatest take aways for me from posting here is how to take care of my self, understanding boundaries and not taking on guilt that is not mine.

May I suggest you post again,  read through threads here and look at the tools listed on the right. 

You can get through these feelings with some work and understanding.

[Turkish]

Hello Topsey,



I second the suggestion by twojaybirds to take a look at the lessons to the right of this board to start.

I saw your question on the help desk about false memories, lies, and exaggerations. I assume that she's the outlier from her siblings. How early did her behaviors start?

I've known a woman, a family friend, since she was 9. Now she's 40. She has c-PTSD. It's said that this results from being trapped in a cycle of trauma from which there is no escape. I've had distance, but have followed this woman's life, and in my opinion, her ongoing trauma has been due to unhealthy choices and relationships. Blaming her mom is the easy thing. Turning inward to face the mirror is hard.

Whether your daughter actually has BPD or not, the behaviors sound concerning, and the tools here can help. You'll certainly find support by fellow travelers 

Turkish

[lbjnltx]

Are you saying you have 2 daughters (both in the military) who don't communicate with the family and do communicate with each other?... .sorry, trying to understand the family dynamic.

Feelings of guilt and shame from the parents of those with mental illness is common as twojay mentions.

Has one of your daughters rewritten family history and made herself a victim?  Or has she been through events that have traumatized her (keeping in mind that she may be highly sensitive and negatively affected when others could just move on)?

I will keep an eye out for your reply.

lbjnltx

[AVR1962]

It is common for a BPD or a NPD to go no contact, silence is their control. Why do your other children have no contact with the suspected BP daughter? And why does she say that you caused her PTSD? Is she seeing a counselor?