Whew

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My udBPD g/f decided today that we should split.

I knew that we should, just been trying to work out how. 

We had a weird afternoon of not really speaking before an evening of snuggling.

I'd still want to stay with her but about an hour ago she went off on a rant which reminded me why we need to split up. I have 6 days to endure. Never ever thought I'd say that about her.

Bit sad, and Lord knows what will happen between now and next Wednesday.



edir**  now she is messaging me from the back bedroom

[juniorswailing]

My udBPD g/f decided today that we should split.

I knew that we should, just been trying to work out how. 

We had a weird afternoon of not really speaking before an evening of snuggling.

I'd still want to stay with her but about an hour ago she went off on a rant which reminded me why we need to split up. I have 6 days to endure. Never ever thought I'd say that about her.

Bit sad, and Lord knows what will happen between now and next Wednesday.



edir**  now she is messaging me from the back bedroom

[Ceruleanblue]

Well, I'd bet a lot of us here could predict what she's likely to do. I bet she'll either change her mind, or she'll leave, but you've not heard the last of her. The only way you probably have, is if she's already found someone else to focus on.

Sadly, we see a lot of that here. Plus, as nons we tend to go back into it too, because we do empathize with them. It's not always just walk away, and be done.

Hang in there, and know a lot of us thought we were done, but ended up back together. If you are truly done, I really hope she does just decide to be done, as your life will be a lot easier if she's truly accepting of that.

[juniorswailing]

She is still messaging me!

[Ceruleanblue]

I guess you have to ask yourself the result you want, and what is the most likely to achieve that? If you can at all predict that. Do you think ignoring it will make her escalate, or do you think she'll eventually stop messaging? It's pretty funny that she just won't come and talk to you. It seems like she's hurt, and maybe expects you to come see what is wrong?

I hope things calmed down for you. If you know that you truly want out, making things as low key as possible until that happens might mean a few concessions. Sometimes I've had to pick my battles, for the sake of MY peace, and learn to stand up for the things that really matter to me. If I was on my way out however, and not trying to set an example of how I want to be treated in future, I'd just do whatever it took to make my life easier while biding my time.

[juniorswailing]

I had to ask her to stop, otherwise we'd still be at it.

She is going on Wednesday, but a lot can happen between now and then!

[Svarl1]

As CB suggests, there is a high likelihood that you've not heard the last from your gf.

If you do wish to remain separated then you need to be ready to enforce the separation if or when she attempts to recontact you.

This will probably happen at some point when you're both feeling lonely.  She may express desperation and cry out for help. This can be difficult to resist, but as others here will confirm it's not uncommon behaviour for pwBPD.

But at least if she agrees now to separate then this can be an important end-point which can help you to stay clear.  To remake the relationship will then require some kind of re-consent from you both. If you say no then it's impossible for her to demand yes without being very obviously unreasonable.

I suggest that as soon as she is gone then change your locks and block her phone number.

Have a plan for what you'll do if she camps outside your house or stalks you.

Share your story with some trusted and understanding friends, and ask them that you might need assistance at some point.

These things might seem a bit over-the-top at the moment,  however excessive preparation is definitely better than not enough,  and will maximise your chance of not being coerced into something you'll regret.

[juniorswailing]

Both my brother and sister have suggested a lock change.  I had a locksmith coming two weeks ago but cancelled after we had a long chat and, supposedly,sorted stuff out!

She is still here as we are looking after her grandson tonight but if she hasn't taken him home before I get back from work tomorrow afternoon I think I will seriously consider telling her to pack  as much stuff as she needs and I'll drop her off at the same time instead of waiting until my days off mid week. 

On the subject of her grandson, aged 9 months and whom I love dearly, I was feeding him his bottle when she asked ' So, will you miss him?" She then couldn't understand why I welled up for a few minutes after.

[juniorswailing]

Came in from work today to discover that she has started packing stuff up.

I suggested that she might like to move out tonight and collect her things later. She has a lot of things. But she said she isn't moving till she can take everything with her. That means hiring a van which she can't /won't  drive.

She doesn't appear to be going until Wed at the earliest yet the kitchen clock is lying on a unit in the back bedroom which I find odd.

My sister doesn't think that she will actually go. I'm not so sure.

I've been unfriended on FB too which I find a bit funny as she will be expecting to have the use of my car over the next few days.

[juniorswailing]

Well, she used my time at work today to get a van and help and move her stuff out.

Got home expecting to find lord knows what. Couple of stupid things, toilet seat for example, have been taken but aside from that it's not too bad, yet.

I feel sad up to a point but the overwhelming emotion is relief.

Waiting for the next stage now as everything else that seems to happen has happened up till now.