Discussing BPD issues wth my daughters husband

[Indigo3]

my adult daughter is 40 and has two young children. With understanding gained through your website I now believe she has been exhibiting several BPD traits since adolescence . Despite going to therapy for mental health issues for many years, to my knowledge BPD has never been formally diagnosed so I don't think she has ever considered this might be an issue for her.

We have recently had a year of extreme family problems exacerbated by her BPD. I have now withdrawn from being in the front line of her anguish, but she has told me she is starting therapy again with her husband. I am concerned that without a diagnosis and appropriate treatment she may continue to experience disturbed emotions with no plan for control. This will impact on all of us but most worryingly on her children. Should I say anything to her husband about my concerns or just hope the therapists pick this up?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[enlighten me]

I think this depends on how you get on with your son in law. If it is a good relationship then he may listen. If it is strained then he may feel you are trying to cause trouble. We never know what our SO say about us to anyone else and how much is believed.

It may be worthwhile rather than talking to him getting him a copy of stop walking on eggshells and ask him to read it and then let you know what he thinks.

One thing I would caution against is making your suspicions known to your daughter. It can be a very hard thing to have to come to terms with and sometimes it can cause them to go further into denial that there is something wrong.

If your SIL is able to discuss it with the therapist without your daughter knowing then it could help the therapist diagnose and treat more effectively.

[AVR1962]

Let them figure this out, let the counselor help them but I would not say anything UNLESS you and your daughter are close and the two of you can talk. This could so explode in your face. Even if she agreed, she was diagnosed, you would then think she would get the appropriate help but that is not always the case.