Am concerned

[JustAMum]

My 17 yr old BPD daughter found out that her bf was snap chatting other girls. She has been doing well the past 12 months. I'm worried that this will destabilise her. She was very upset this afternoon. I know she has to learn to cope with the ups and downs of life and I also know that her 17yr old bf is just being a normal kid but she's so hurt by what he did. I've validated her feelings. What else can I do?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Be patient, be supportive, be there for her.

If she talks about this in a way that she is struggling to make a decisions you can ask validating questions to help her problem solve.

You can learn more about the power of asking validating questions here:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=273415.0

[livednlearned]

Hi JustAMum,

When your D has been emotionally destabilized in the past, how does she usually cope? Are there specific behaviors that you are concerned about?

[JustAMum]

When she becomes destabilised in the past she has cut herself really badly and ended up in hospital. Last time she tried to OD. So when something happens in her life that has the potential to destabilise her I get really worried that she will do it again. I'm hoping that she has learnt coping skills from therapy but she was in therapy when she hurt herself before. She suffers from intense self loathing. I can't cope with her hurting herself.

[livednlearned]

I can't cope with her hurting herself.

That's a hard one, really hard. I remember Blaise Aguirre saying in BPD and Adolescence that we see cutting as the problem whereas for the teens, they see it as the solution.

The intense self-loathing is so painful to bear witness to. How does your D respond to validation?

[JustAMum]

She responds quite well. She is talking to the bf and they seem to be moving on from it. She is very sensitive. I have to watch what I say to her because she takes offence so easily and gets hurt.