news story about a dad who tried to get a restraining order...

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Looks like people are finally listening, but look what it took!

(Yes, I know there are two sides, but still)

The girl "didn't appear to have been coached". Glad someone realized that

www.touch.orlandosentinel.com/#section/-1/article/p2p-85263857/

[momtara]

Looks like people are finally listening, but look what it took!

(Yes, I know there are two sides, but still)

The girl "didn't appear to have been coached". Glad someone realized that

www.touch.orlandosentinel.com/#section/-1/article/p2p-85263857/

[Turkish]

I agree with some of the commentators after the article. Call the police first, rather than social services. I made a police report of D3's probable molestation. CPS came on board through them. This was even though my T thought it would be good to call both the police and CPS. If there is a clear and present danger, report it. It sounds like the father may have been cowed by The System, initially. I have more words, but the profanity filters would block them... .  Glad that the daughter is safe for now.

The frightening thing that I found out is that a parent can get in trouble if they don't report signs of abuse. The father did the right thing. It's horrible that the bureaucrats didn't believe them...

[momtara]

Yeah, I posted this because I think any real-life examples are helpful somehow. the police aren't helpful in every situation, but maybe in those kind, they are. Or going to a pediatrician sometimes.

Here is another related thing - interesting that the wife says she was at one point diagnosed as bipolar because of dealing with her (famous) ex-husband's addiction antics... .https://www.yahoo.com/celebrity/news/scott-weiland-ex-wife-writes-brutally-honest-essay-150405657.html?ref=gs

[Waddams]

These situations are so hard.  As a man, it's really hard sometimes to get "the system" to take you seriously.  You pretty much have to have "smoking gun" type evidence to be taken seriously.  You can know your kid is being abused but if all you have is your word or the child's word with no other documentation, then it's not going to be taken seriously.

There needs to be a guide for how to handle these things for men.  Who you report it to, what evidence you provide, etc., there are ways to game the system to get results but if you don't know them and report it but navigate the bureaucracy wrong you not only won't get help, but you can also hurt your case, expose you're doing something to the abuser who only go further underground and punish the victim/child more, etc.

And I wholeheartedly agree with the article comments that the mother should be charged.  Unfortunately prosecutors aren't willing to take on the challenges that would bring to their re-election chances.

[momtara]

Yes, true. I guess "Splitting" is as good a guide as there is right now. And of course, there are women out there who have lost custody because their wealthy spouses paid the right psychiatrists and experts, so there is hurt all around. I am just glad when finally someone pays attention before it is too late, as in this case.

[Turkish]

In Santa Clara County, California, they took my report very seriously, based upon what my 3 and 5 year olds told me. The allegation of sexual abuse. I hesitated to report based upon what a then not quite 2 year old told me the first time. I sensed that I almost got in trouble for waiting until the next time she told me.

[ForeverDad]

In November, after finding new marks on his daughter's back, the father reported the incident to Orlando police. He gave them copies of the videos and text messages showing the mother being hostile toward him, the report states.

I've been separated for over 10 years, divorced for almost 8 years, had custody for 4.5 years, was last in court to get majority time (just during the school year) 2 years ago and... .my Ex is still frequently "hostile".   While that father may never get a diagnosis on the mother, BPD or another acting-out PD is highly likely.  At least our recommended approaches would help someone in his situation going forward.

[Waddams]

There's a guy in my men's group - he has a friend, guy got with the wrong woman, guy mixed up in bad stuff, did a stint in jail.  So did the woman.  They had a kid, who is now 5 years old, that has been raised by his parents until recently.  He got out, got straight, now has a job, and is staying out of trouble.  His job recently went full time.  Pays good.  They've started transitioning the kid to him.

The mom got out of jail.  The kid's mom got out of jail, and as soon as she heard he had made it to a good paying job filed for a custody change.  Now - there shouldn't be a snowballs chance in h*ll of her actually getting it.  She's still trifling, on probation, etc.  She knows she can get money out of him via child support if she can get custody. 

It will cost the guy to fight it.  He should win easily, there's no material change in circumstances to justify the kid going to mom's custody.  But it's still expensive and a big hit and setback for the kid's dad.  The fact that people can use the court system to cause so much damage is just a travesty.  But it won't cost the mom anything, so why not right?

[scraps66]

What I have been told, even my school psychologists, that CPS getting involved rarely does a great deal of good and can even make things worse.  In this situation that father's better course of action may have been to go to court, immediately.  The police aren't helpful here either.  My ex had called the cops on my on several occasions.  On one occasion, with no reason other than her word, the police offered her PFA paperwork to file against me.  This was before they even talked to me to investigate!  My county is known for the PFA and false PFAs.