Parental Kidnapping

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I'm hoping it doesn't come to this, but I want to be prepared... .

Recently uBPDbm has been talking about visiting another state 2000 miles away and subsequently moving there.

If she takes SD11 with her (in my state that's parental kidnapping since we have a temp CO in place, 50/50), what steps do we take?

I want to have our list of actions ready so if it did come to that we could move swiftly.

[Thunderstruck]

I'm hoping it doesn't come to this, but I want to be prepared... .

Recently uBPDbm has been talking about visiting another state 2000 miles away and subsequently moving there.

If she takes SD11 with her (in my state that's parental kidnapping since we have a temp CO in place, 50/50), what steps do we take?

I want to have our list of actions ready so if it did come to that we could move swiftly.

[FamilyLaw]

Most states have signed on to the UCCJEA -- Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction Enforcement Act.  Under the UCCJEA, the child's home state is where she has lived for the past 6 months, not the new state.  Once you believe that the child has been removed improperly from the jurisdiction, you go to your Court and ask for an emergency ex parte temporary custody hearing granting you sole custody because mom has removed the child from the jurisdiction.  You should be able to get that hearing the same day, although a return hearing will be set within a few days or weeks. 

With that emergency temporary order you should be able to go to the police in your jurisdiction and ask that parental kidnapping charges be filed.  You can also have a certified copy of that order domesticated in the jurisdiction where she is now and bring it to the police in that jurisdiction.  If she goes to the Court in that jurisdiction, the judge there must confer with the judge in your state.  In my experience the judge in the new jurisdiction sends the case back quickly.

The last time I had this happen, mom quickly handed the kid back to dad because she wanted to avoid being arrested.  On the other hand, I had a case where mom moved, as she was fleeing domestic violence.  We had to prove to both courts that there was actual, serious DV going on.  Once we did that, mom was allowed to stay in the new jurisdiction with the children. Of course, YMMV.

[ForeverDad]

One good thing is that you have a temporary order in place.  Without that I believe parents are defaulted to equal but undefined rights.  I had a temp order for a few months but then it was eventually dismissed.  Evidently neither of our accounts rose to the level of being actionable.  I didn't see my son for 3 months, not even with phone calls.  As a preschooler, he didn't go to school and police refused to accompany me to see him, though they did say they'd promptly respond if she called 911.  Police said, "Come back when you have an active written court order in hand."  I did file for divorce but it took a couple months to get that first hearing.

So if at all possible don't let that temp order lapse.  My first temp order ended because I didn't have a long term solution (divorce) in process and it took 3 months to get it back.  Mother wasn't admonished, Father didn't get make up time.

Also, don't give the other parent any reason to be able to claim you were okay with her moving away.  If anything is written to her, do so as though the professionals were looking over your shoulder.  While you shouldn't be ex's muddy doormat and walked over, it is good to have firm boundaries of behaviors and actions.  Sadly, our attempts to be reasonable and flexible are often interpreted by an acting out person as weakness in our boundaries.

Be sure to be building up documentation to support your parental role.  Are there 'actionable' poor behaviors?  While the adult behaviors can and should be documented, courts give more attention to the parenting behaviors in custody disputes.  For example, documenting that "she screams, whatever at me" won't mean as much as "she screams, whatever at our child".  Often the court (often left up to us too) will call in other professionals such as children's services or a custody evaluator to determine how to handle the case or to get a more in depth knowledge of the family dynamics.

[Thunderstruck]

We have a pending CE (it's been "pending" for about 18 months now    ). We should be getting the results soon. uBPDbm was not on her best behavior for the CE and I think she knows it isn't going to be in her favor.

She just got evicted and moved into a new place, but now we're hearing the new roommate is moving out and she won't be able to afford it on her own. She got fired from her last job for stealing. She lost one of her best friends/enablers. She got dumped in the middle of a love-bombing phase. She's feeling pretty low right now. So she's saying that she wants a change and to move.

She has claimed she has wanted to move several times before, but has never followed through.

However, we know (she doesn't know yet) that the father of her oldest daughter is going to file for custody very soon. That just might push her over the edge.

Mind you, she hasn't said a word about moving to us. I'm positive that if she does follow through that it won't be done properly or legally. She will just grab SD11 and go. In our state there are specific guidelines about moving, and the state is very clear that leaving in the middle of a custody battle is parental kidnapping.

[Thunderstruck]

Thank you FamilyLaw, that's really good information.

So I'm thinking:

If she is going to take off, it would probably be at the start of one of her five day parenting stretches (we have a 2-2-3 schedule).

The day SD11 doesn't show up to school or for our visitation, we send messages to uBPDbm on Our Family Wizard.

When she doesn't reply, we try calling uBPDbm and SD11.

When they don't answer we ask for a police welfare check.

The next day if there still is nothing then we go to the court for a temporary custody hearing. (How do we prove that she fled with the child?)

Then we file a missing child report with the police.

I guess then we have to figure out where she is and contact the police and court there?


What makes me nervous is that uBPDbm has been making claims lately that DH is abusing SD11. That could make our situation sticky when DH is automatically assumed to be abusive and has to prove that she's a lying liar.

[bravhart1]

Don't be shy about involving the CE in this if you have to file for a emergency order. She should be willing to speak wth the judge as to whether there was abuse. But since mom won't be around to claim abuse, just wait for that to come up. If it does just handle it with the same nonchalance that you would if they asked you if you took her car. ":)id you take BPDm's car?" "No of course not".

I might change the order in which you outlined above to 1) If SD is not in school, or does not show up for exchange, then call BPDm, if no answer, call police to do welfare check at house. If she's moved it should be obvious and at that point you should be able to file a missing child report and kidnapping report at the same time.

Then go to the court and ask for a change in immediate custody as BPDm has taken SD without consent.

You know if she does this it will be tramatic, but as our L has told us in the past, if she does do this, she won't ever get custody again, and will be in supervised visits for a very long time. Courts do not like parents who take their children without consent, Its one of the big no-no's in the judges mind. Parents who lose their temper and break the kids arm, have an easier time getting out of supervised visits than a kidnapper.

Not that you are hoping for this, but it always puts me in a more at peace with it mind set when BPDm starts talking to SD about "going away" that if she did, this would be all over. (because once we got SD back she would never get her alone again)