BPD D using grandchildren for emotional extortion

[candzland]

My 33 yo D is semi estranged, except when she wants something from my husband and I. She uses the grandchildren as pawns, to attempt to manipulate and get what she wants. Since we do not succumb to her demands, we seldom see her or the grandkids, but the estrangement, has truthfully been a blessing... .except for missing out on the grandkids, especially during the holidays! It is reassuring to know I am not alone in this family drama, intellectually though I know better, it is just so hard to NOT take it personally!  

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Eyeamme]

You are not alone. I am going on 3 mo no contact with my uBPD daughter. My heart breaks to not be talking to my grandsons 2 and 5. You are not alone.

[understandnow]

Yes agree with above.  My 33yo son does the same thing. We have not seen our grandchildren in 2 months.  He chose to go no contact with us because he can not accept our personal limits.

i vasilate between anger,  which I am working on and empathy at wich I say "I should understand more".  The problem is, I know it's temporary on his part, and he will contact us when he needs something and the children will be jerked away again at some point.