Introduction

[TerribleIvan]

Hello.  My sister suffers from some psychiatric condition or conditions.  She takes a few medications for it.  She exhibits nearly all the symptoms of BPD, though I don't know if she has it.  Since her behaviors so closely mirror BPD behaviors, I'm interested in reading other people's experiences with BPD family members, as I think it may be helpful, even if she doesn't have BPD.  She is low functioning.  She hasn't worked in several years, has a history of substance abuse (primarily oxycontin, and she is currently in a methadone program), and has two young children aged 5 and 2.  The social services agency in our state has been involved with the children, but to what extent I don't know.  I'm joining this forum so I can help my mother deal with my sister.  My mother is her and the children's primary caretaker.  Because of the children, my mother is uncomfortable limiting contact with my sister, and withdrawing financial support for my sister.  I'm interested in seeing how other people have managed helping the children of a person with BPD while setting reasonable boundaries.           

[Turkish]

Hello TerribleIvan,



Bless your mother for taking care of them. That's a lot to deal with. How close are you to them?

The past drug use (and current treatment) can make a personality disorder even harder to deal with. We do have some tools here which may help your mother deal better with the children. This doesn't mean that your mother shouldn't remain safe. Is there any violence going on here towards your mother?

It might be hard to change a life time's worth of communicating in a certain way, but perhaps these tools can help as a start:

Video--Validation: Encouraging Peace in a BPD Family

Communication using validation. What it is; how to do it

Turkish

[TerribleIvan]

Bless your mother for taking care of them. That's a lot to deal with. How close are you to them?



I limit my contact with my sister, so mainly I see her and the kids on holidays.  She doesn't live with my mother, so I'm able to visit with my mother often.

The past drug use (and current treatment) can make a personality disorder even harder to deal with. We do have some tools here which may help your mother deal better with the children. This doesn't mean that your mother shouldn't remain safe. Is there any violence going on here towards your mother?

Nearly constant emotional/verbal abuse, and my sister has broken things, including windows.  I don't think she's hit my mother, but she has gotten into physical altercations with neighbors.  The children don't appear to be physically abused. 

It might be hard to change a life time's worth of communicating in a certain way, but perhaps these tools can help as a start:

Video--Validation: Encouraging Peace in a BPD Family

Communication using validation. What it is; how to do it

Turkish



Thanks for your help.  I will check those out and send them to my mother.  Maybe I can get her to join this forum. 

[Turkish]

She joining would be good. We also have some resources on domestic violence. Not sure how you would want to approach that with your mother. You would know how to do that. If she feels trapped, then she might turn and start to defend your sister. Hard to say.

Safety First