Should I talk to her therapist?

[Cam1970]

So my niece (dBPD) saw a new therapist yesterday and says that she( therapist) told her to run away. That no one would bother looking for someone whose almost 18, and that if she told anyone she said that no one would believe her. I don't know if I believe a therapist would say that but my concern is , if she did ,then what did BPD tell her to make her say that. The hospital she just left didn't say she had BPD, that was a diagnosis from a different hospital stay, so the therapist doesn't know what she's dealing with. This doctor said she had a stubborn agressive brain. So should I talk to the therapist and tell her what's going on? I looked it up and this place doesn't do DBT, so I don't think therapy here will even help anything unless she addresses how BPD thinks and reacts when she gets upset.

My mother ,who took , her said she doesn't even see why she needs therapy and says she isn't taking her there every week. She was mad because the therapist never introduced herself and was rude. BPD may not be able to return to work because of her breakdowns while she was there and their concern over the liability if she was to cut at work again. We didn't tell my. Mom that that happened at work because it would just make her mad that she wasn't told( we didn't know until she went into the hospital and we called her work to tell them).I pray she can because she needs to have normal interactions outside of our house, to deal with the real world.

So , should I try to talk to the therapist and tell her of her BPD diagnosis and that she can't just believe everything shes told,and even if what she says is true then there are reasons for the strict rules. Do I just tell my mom to find a different therapist? This one is close, I'm afraid if one is further my mom will be even less likely to want to take her.

I'm still nervous over her complete turnaround. She has been completely like able and not at all moody or depressed. This is the first time since she's been here to be this way. Is that crazy that it makes me nervous not to see her acting badly? Lol.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

You can attempt to converse with your nieces' therapist though it is likely to be a one way conversation unless your niece has listed you as a person that the T can share info with.

Location is at the bottom of the list of criteria for choosing a Therapist.  CBT can be affective for a person who suffers from traits of BPD... .if they are a willing participant in their own recovery.  As far as the running away statements... .most highly doubt a T would encourage a minor... .or anyone... .to "run away" from their problems.  It could be that the T validated your niece's desire to run away saying something like... ."well, you could do that, what do you think would happen if you did" or "running away is an option, what other options do you have?"

If she is a member of your household could you ask your niece if it would be ok to attend a session with her?  I attended outpatient T with my daughter for years.  It really helped us both.  I also gave her every opportunity to go solo whenever she wanted to.

lbj

[seekinglight]

As the aunt of an almost legal adult I cannot imagine you being able to have much input unless asked for by your niece. Even then the therapist may not want the extra person.

I am concerned about the secrecy surrounding this, I have learned the truth of the phrase secrets keep us sick. Your mom, the grandmother, should be dealt with truthfully and openly.

You are a loving aunt to want your niece to get well.

[Cam1970]

My mom is 70 and not in great health , also doesn't think she needs therapy so location to her is important. I work full time or I would take her wherever she needed to go. No one else but me has even read about BPD. So I don't think they take it seriously. As for the hiding info from her, I just think my moms reactions would make things worse. She isn't the most stable person in her reactions to things so I try not to add to her stress if it doesn't hurt her to not know. If she knew she had been cutting at work she would probably make a scene at her work with management for not telling her, since she is her guardian. And as for what the T said , I don't know if she said it or BPD was just lieing. She said today she lost ten pounds in the last week, that she isn't eating except a small amount . I've seen her eat and I don't think she lost 10 lbs this week , she just says things for attention . So why repeat it to mom when she would just get mad at BPD for lieing or make a scene with T after I told BPD she could tell me and I wouldn't repeat it. You're right that I have no way to talk to T since I don't have guardianship, and my mom probably wouldn't want me to because she gets upset when we overstep into something she feels like she should control. I just feel so overwhelmed that I really think the diagnosis is correct and no one seems to care. I talked to BPDs mom today for the first time and she thinks she's just selfish and chooses to act this way. Thanks for the input.

[Gorges]

My experience has been that my daughter has either lied or misinterpreted therapists.  It is probably confusing to these girls because the therapists are attempting to validate their feelings with the the girls probably misinterpret as agreeing with them... I guess that is the problem that I have with validating even though it is kind of the hallmark of dealing with BPD.   I also have heard of kids lying to therapists.  I would hope the therapist would know this is possible.

[Cam1970]

Well what she told me wasn't a misinterpretation. She said the therapist told her she should run away , that no one would look for her because she's so close to 18. And then the T said if she told anyone she said it no one would believe her. So either BPD is making the whole thing up or she made us sound so bad that the therapist told her she should run away. Which I don't understand how being homeless would be better than a house that she might feel is too strict. BPD is great at being the innocent victim. So I can imagine her twisting things that way. I will see how next weeks visit goes and then I think I'm going to try to get a different therapist. It's so hard since I don't have control over all that, I can just ask my mom to try to get a different one.