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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: The cookie analogy  (Read 404 times)
formflier
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« on: December 30, 2015, 09:36:08 PM »

  https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=287932.60;topicseen  
  Even a kid will pester a parent for a toy or cookie if he thinks that there is a chance it could work.    

   pwBPD are very much like children.  If they ask for a cookie and are told yes, there is the dough, there is the oven I'm interested in seeing how your cookies turn out you are giving your child a chance (but not a guarantee) for personal growth.  Very likely the child will figure out they didn't want cookies that bad.  But you never know when they are at a place where they may grow or figure out important stuff.  This is the analogy I'm trying to mold into this situation.  Rather than just saying no.  Please don't misunderstand me as saying that firm consistent boundaries aren't important or good.  You've heard from me the good, better best thing.  In this case I would argue a consistent no is better.  I think it best to show him the dough and the oven and let him figure out the cookie thing for himself,  

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Chilibean13
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« Reply #1 on: December 31, 2015, 07:34:25 AM »

That's a great analogy.
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