Okay, things have been normal(i.e projecting, dysregulating,etc) lately with my UBPDw. Christmas was held to minimum drama.
She is utterly convinced that having another baby will help her control herself and clean up her life. I AM TERRIFIED!
. I wouldn't mind another(although I'm 43), but to have one with someone that is already stressed over the simplest things, just isn't logical(I'm a fact, reason and logic person). However, due to my love for her, I agreed and we had been trying against my better judgement. Along the way, due to the frequent cycling of her illness, I decided to sabotage the attempts by using supplements. I FEEL HORRIBLE!
NOw, last weekend her great grandmother died. She comes to me and says "you know, I am sad for a second, but I just wasn't that close to her!" Something to that affect. I comforted and watched her to see how she was doing. Wine and activities and she was fine.
I am planning to open a gym , so I told her I had a meeting about some equipment. SHe was fine with it, so I left to do that. Everything is good.
When I got back that night, I told her that I had planned to meet a friend( a 66 yo psychiatrist that helps me immensely) I rarely get to see. She didn't say much. The next day, I reiterated my intentions. She wanted to get the camera in my sons room and his new bed assembled(transitioning from crib to bed). Anyhow, I spent 3 hours working on the camera and never got to the bed, as it was time for me to leave. I told he I would be gone for an hour and I would come back and we would have a great family evening.
reminder for some of you... .YOU NEED YOUR TIME AWAY FROM THESE PEOPLE! THEY ARE HABITUALLY NEGATIVE AND FAULT FINDING!
So, she is PISSED now. she starts in on me with yelling, etc. I walk out of the house to get away. I walk back in and say "babe, I will cancel... .it's not a big deal." She says "I'm done with it . I don't want to put the bed together. I don't want you. I hate you!
I left to meet up with my friends. ONce there, I am scrolling though FB and notice she had deleted me, blocked me, took our pic from profile and posted a pic of her putting the bed together. Her caption was clearly pointing out the fact I wasn't there and she didn't need me. IF you have a SO with BPD, you know this is things they do to devalue us. I cannot understand the immaturity!
Here's where I lost it. I posted on the pic "this post is deceiving!"
I got back to our house, she had drank the entire HUGE bottle of wine and was passed out. I went to bed on the couch to avoid her nasty attitude. about 3:30 in the morning, when I was sound asleep, I wake up to a sensation. She threw her entire glass of ice water at me, hitting me in the chest. I was reclined in the recliner. She threw it has hard as she could! IT was all out war! she spewed venom for an hour !
THe next morning, I was up trying to get her to go to church with my son and I. We talked, prayed, cried and it was over. We moved on and had a very good and productive day. ITS was a bliss!
That night, I mentioned that we would NOT be trying for a baby until she makes the appointment with the counselor that I sent her the number to. We need help and it's not wise to have a baby in the current situation. She claims that a baby will help her get her life straight? you agree?
She lost her mind and has vehemently expressed wanting a divorce. She is so detached now. I can see her pain and try to tell her daily that I love her. She will not even act like I am alive. She says she want's a divorce ( every other day), but this time her rings are still on.
WHat do you think? Am I going about the child thing right?
