Daniell85 had made an interesting post on my thread "is this poor executive control?" that I didn't get a chance to respond to before it was closed. I hope she doesn't mind that I've taken the liberty of giving it its own thread.
Daniell85 wrote:
I know that is hard, because you are really feeling the need for his comfort and support. You were strong for many years without his support. I hope you are able to reach inside of you for that right now. It may be possible part of his apparent belief that he is the ONE in control of everything is because he thinks you need him more than you need your own self. A step back and some detachment on your part... .and suddenly the power balance shifts back to you in control of you and you handling your things, which means he only has the leverage of his own wonderful self to convince you of anything at all about him.
Today I actually was able to tell him that I have forgotten who I was in the course of our relationship. As you know it happened hard and fast, like any borderline relationship, and he proposed to me before he had even filed for divorce. Fast forward to today and I haven't had much if any alone time at all during the course of our relationship. We've been connected every day in every way, and even though I had dialed things way back, we were still super connected up until I took my time out.
I am finding out that there are some things about my partner that I really do not like, like his insults when he gets dysregulated.
I think I'm going to leave it at that for now because I don't want to publicly take his inventory.
Suffice to say I'm quite interested to find out who I am after being enmeshed with a man with a personality disorder for 3.5 years.
I will end this little section by saying that when I was seeing my main t he once gave me a venn diagram of enmeshed, estranged and healthy relationships and let me tell you my partner had a problem with that one. He thought there was nothing wrong with enmeshment. My partner is convinced he doesn't have a personality disorder and he loves to wax on about how much he knows about personalities based on the MBTI, he was a trained facilitator.
