Hello Scopikaz,
I see you've been here awhile with about 80 post ... .I'm sorry to hear that you're having such a hard time with your exBPDgf breakup. As with everyone else I can't relate to the weight loss ... .and or gain depending on how you handle a loss & stress. You already know that you can come here to seek out what worked for others and what didn't. You come here because no one will judge you ... .but will hold out a hand to help you up when you stumble and you have and you might again ... .we're here to dust you off after you stand up on your own 2 feet. We can pat you on the back and tell you, "you are a strong person and can get through this ... .this too will pass". We can walk this journey for you ... .this is your journey to walk ... .but know we got your back for you.
Some really important things IMHO that need to happen to help you get through this really tough time. First of all you have to get out of your house/apt! I don't care what you do BUT GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE! As Anez said, go for a walk around the block ... .walk for a mile ... .as slow and as busted up as I am it'll only take you 15-20 minutes. DON'T TELL US YOU DON'T HAVE TIME! You can set out your sweats before you go to bed, get up 30 minutes before you normally would, put on your sweats and go for that walk! This does at LEAST 2 things for you. It gets the blood out of your butt and into your brain ... .It burns off the stress your body is storing that is taking a heavy toll on your heart, mind and soul. You'll get the good endorphins moving throughout your body when you move ... .this helps reduce the stress in your body and helps you build up an appetite and helps with positive thinking and energy! Put on some iPod and listen to some ... .what I call ... ."get my heart started music". Whatever does that for you. As your walking either when you get home from work or before you go to work ... .OR HERE'S AN IDEA ... .DO BOTH! Take a moment to really enjoy the moment ... .listen to the birds in the morning ... .enjoy the sun on your face ... .listen to the kids play ... .feel the wind on your face ... .the important thing is get back out to nature and burn up the stress. Enjoy it! You can do the same thing by riding a bike.
You've become a hermit and shut yourself off from those who care about you and friends ... .reach out to a friend you haven't talk to in awhile and catch up. then call another one ... .then another one ... .make plans with them. Plan a guys weekend get away doing whatever the hell you guys can come up with.
Take yourself to a movie ... .Saturday matinee ... .trust me ... .there's a lot more people doing it alone then you might imagine. I took myself to the movie alone on Christmas day ... .IT WAS FREAKING PACKED! but there was a single woman that sat next to me ... .so you're not alone in this endeavor. You need to eat right ... .STAY AWAY FROM THE FAST FOOD BECAUSE NOTHING GOOD EVER COMES FROM THAT NOT EVEN YOUR POO!
And you need to keep a sense of humor ! Humor and laughter does so much good for the mind body and soul. Get together with a buddy and go to a comedy show! Anyway ... .back to the food thing ... .go get a REALLy good burger & a beer ... .a salad and a glass of water ... .Italian and a glass of wine ... .I've ate alone more then you would think ... .it really is no big deal.
You're already seeing a therapist ... .this is a good thing ... .because they can help you sort through your thoughts, feelings, emotions. chances are you're a codpendent or a NON and at your core you're a Knight in armor wanting to protect others, a Sheriff with a white hat and a polished badge riding in to save the day ... .you're a perfectionist. All of these are a learned behavior that you learned growing up. Chances are growing up you never were giving the encouragement or accolades for doing well in school or a sport or an event ... .and you would try harder to improve your grades, do better in a sport, or an event hoping that you would at least get a good job or nice grades ... .but like most of here it would never come so again you would try harder and harder ... .the cycle would repeat. You tried and tried with your exBPDgf but never got the what you returned ... .acceptance, love, friendship, companionship ... .so you would try harder ... .and again the cycle would repeat. Now your in a time out with your exBPDgf who will reach out to you when she wants to only to show you that she's in control of you and the relationship ... .when she does it'll be up to you how you handle it and or deal with it. The tools that your therapist, this sight and other readings will give you the tools to deal with her flying monkey's ... .but you have to pull them out of the toolbox and use them or face the recycle yet again.
For Gods sake, turn on the lights in your house ... .I like the analogy that svart said ... .there's some truth there I think. Turning the lights on in your apartment is like having the sun shine on your face. The light that enters your eyes HAS SO MUCH TO DO WITH POSITIVE MOOD! I was stationed north of Seattle and let me tell you ... .4 years was a long time not to see the sun ... .so I bough extra bright lights after I talked to my flight surgeon ... .the light hits receptors in your eyes that sends signals to your brain and this starts a waterfall of endorphins ... .good moods, feeling better and getting more energy! Get the natural brighter lights to help you out with this since I really don't know where you are in the world and it is winter. I live in AZ and trust me ... .I move here in part because the sun shines over 345 days a year! There's a reason why people are in good moods all the time here.
You've morned a lost love for 2 months now ... .no one can tell you how long to morn ... .but IMHO ... .I think it's time you start to do the things that Bigmd, Fr4nz, Penelope and I are telling you to help you out of this slump. Scopikaz as I said, no one here can walk this journey for you ... .but everyone in this thread is holding out a hand to help you up ... .we're going to dust you butt off and then you need to straighten up yourself ... .then you have a choice ... .you can choose the path to the left and continue the behavior of sleeping in, not eating, not taking care of yourself ... .or you can take the path to the right ... .exercise, eat better, take yourself out to movies and improve your overall situation ... .or you can sit back down exactly where you are and do nothing ... .the choice is yours ... .it won't be easy ... .some of it will suck ... .but it will get better ... .it always gets better. Do these things for 30 days and you'll be surprised just how far you come. They say 30 days makes a habit ... .30 days of eating right and you'll feel better ... .30 days of exercising and you'll look and feel better ... .30 days of getting out to a movie, socializing with friends and you'll be laughing and having a good time.
Things are going to get to better ... .they always get better ... .it's time ... .
JQ
