The Silent Treatment

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Roller Coaster weeekend!  I have finally started taking steps to go and do things without him.  Saturday he was calm with it because it was just dinner out with my family.  Sunday rolled around with Football playoff game at familys house.  Hes always invited and never goes but seemed to accept I was going when I told him Sunday morning.  By noon I was barely being spoken to and he left for a 3.5 hour carwash and hair cut.  I called him to say I was leaving and arguing erupted on phone that he was busy and what did I want.  He was not going to sit inside the house all day while I go out walking the streets (umm it was family football watching and eating subs with 20 family & friends)... . I hung up on him because Im tired of wasting the effort and him ruining my days just because he likes to.  I went to the football watching, sub eating gathering and had a nice peaceful family time.  Today is Tuesday and he has barely spoke  to me.  I need my heart to say enough... .My brain already has... .  Will that ever happen?  We have been together 3 years and I finally realized a year ago he had a problem and it wasnt me!  Our work is co-mingled- I hire him when work is needed at my company which is almost daily... .He knows how dependent I am on him and I have to be able to just cut my losses and be strong enough to handle a bumpy time at work and a broken heart while I adjust... .Someone please tell me I can do it!

(Keep in mind, the silent treatment and coldness happens often- I have told him 3 days of Peace is the max he can manage and be nice for.  His behavior routine is super cuddly and silly... .Cold and Im nonexistent... .Mean and belittling to anyone he encounters... .Or calm and mellow- this is a weekly pattern we live).

[Strongerthanthis]

Roller Coaster weeekend!  I have finally started taking steps to go and do things without him.  Saturday he was calm with it because it was just dinner out with my family.  Sunday rolled around with Football playoff game at familys house.  Hes always invited and never goes but seemed to accept I was going when I told him Sunday morning.  By noon I was barely being spoken to and he left for a 3.5 hour carwash and hair cut.  I called him to say I was leaving and arguing erupted on phone that he was busy and what did I want.  He was not going to sit inside the house all day while I go out walking the streets (umm it was family football watching and eating subs with 20 family & friends)... . I hung up on him because Im tired of wasting the effort and him ruining my days just because he likes to.  I went to the football watching, sub eating gathering and had a nice peaceful family time.  Today is Tuesday and he has barely spoke  to me.  I need my heart to say enough... .My brain already has... .  Will that ever happen?  We have been together 3 years and I finally realized a year ago he had a problem and it wasnt me!  Our work is co-mingled- I hire him when work is needed at my company which is almost daily... .He knows how dependent I am on him and I have to be able to just cut my losses and be strong enough to handle a bumpy time at work and a broken heart while I adjust... .Someone please tell me I can do it!

(Keep in mind, the silent treatment and coldness happens often- I have told him 3 days of Peace is the max he can manage and be nice for.  His behavior routine is super cuddly and silly... .Cold and Im nonexistent... .Mean and belittling to anyone he encounters... .Or calm and mellow- this is a weekly pattern we live).

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Strongerthanthis, You don't have to justify eating subs with friends & family and watching football.  Keep doin' what you do, which is healthy.  What makes you think your SO has BPD?  How long have you been together?  Fill us in, when you can.

LuckyJim

[Strongerthanthis]

Thank You... .

It took until last spring to realize I wasnt the one unstable in our relationship.  We've been together over 3 years.  The first sign was the jealousy that started 2 months in.  According to him I flirt with everyone in restaurants grocery stores kids at ice cream shops etc.  I do not lift my eyes from the table at restaurants anymore or from the floor when walking in but yet he still goes off that Im flirting.

He disconnects completely and shuts off any emotion or reaction.  I DO NOT exist.  He was abused as a child emotionally.  He cannot get along in group settings and gets nervous and has to leave.  He is happy making others feel belittled or like garbage.  Im not exagerrating- when he treats someone bad he is happy and in a perfect place.  He has never been faithful to a partner.  He is the most immature person Ive ever met.   Everything is everyone elses fault and never his- he truly believes this.  He has no empathy for other peoples struggles. He cannot get along with any structured work environment and has to do piece work.  He is very rough with animals (dogs).  His favorite thing to do is burp and pass gas no matter where he is.  He will do mean or inconsiderate things just because he wants to.  He says there is no such thing as friendship- it does not exist.   He can have about 3 good calm days then bam he cant control his moodiness, rudeness and attitude.  I feel it coming on- it is a black cloud that u feel when he walks in the door & within 24 hours, usually less all hell breaks loose because I do not bow down anymore.  He is messy.  Thinks its ok to not shower daily (when hes in a happy mood he'll always shower though- black cloud days, the dirtier the better for him).  He cannot function in a normal setting at all.  These are only a few--- it is non stop.

[Lucky Jim]

Hello again, Strongerthan, Presumably you get something out of the r/s or you wouldn't stay.  What keeps you in it?  Usually it runs deeper than your current BPD r/s.  Worth thinking about.

LuckyJim

[Strongerthanthis]

Thats the million dollar question.  I dont get anything out of it other than a companion who can get along Can "fake normalcy" enough for us to go to dinner or lunch a few times a month.  I think its easier to stick my head in the sand than finally realizing he will never be able to give what I need in a partner and Im one in a long line of partners that he easily can move on from- it hurts to know I have given my all heart and soul to someone who isnt able to do the same.

Today my arrival home from work was met with him sitting on the sofa bullying people selling items on facebook group pages. He decided to absolutely demolish a computer repair man on a post the repairman put offering computer repair.  I asked why would he do that- the repairman tried to fix my partners computer but couldnt because it needs a new hard drive.  My partners response, after multiple days of on and off silent treatment was-- " why do you care its non of your business".  My response as I walked away was "its my business because hes a good repairman who does work for my office and youre hurting his reputation just because you feel like being an ass all this week and thats not O.K.  His response was back to the silent treatment.

Did I mention he lives in my home, contributes no $$ even though he makes plenty witht the work I hire him to do for my conpany.  I dont think about the no contributing because I dont need it to survive,  however when it has come up in "black cloud days" he says Im giving you nothing so deal with it.  I know, shame on me.  I have never been this insecure and weak in my life- I ama multiple business owner, single mom and have wonderful family- I was married for 17 years to a wonderful mom I grew apart from and dated one other person in all my life before my curren BPD Partner...  He has mentally worn me down to no defense.

[Strongerthanthis]

Thats the million dollar question.  I dont get anything out of it other than a companion who can get along Can "fake normalcy" enough for us to go to dinner or lunch a few times a month.  I think its easier to stick my head in the sand than finally realizing he will never be able to give what I need in a partner and Im one in a long line of partners that he easily can move on from- it hurts to know I have given my all heart and soul to someone who isnt able to do the same.

Today my arrival home from work was met with him sitting on the sofa bullying people selling items on facebook group pages. He decided to absolutely demolish a computer repair man on a post the repairman put offering computer repair.  I asked why would he do that- the repairman tried to fix my partners computer but couldnt because it needs a new hard drive.  My partners response, after multiple days of on and off silent treatment was-- " why do you care its non of your business".  My response as I walked away was "its my business because hes a good repairman who does work for my office and youre hurting his reputation just because you feel like being an ass all this week and thats not O.K.  His response was back to the silent treatment.

Did I mention he lives in my home, contributes no $$ even though he makes plenty witht the work I hire him to do for my conpany.  I dont think about the no contributing because I dont need it to survive,  however when it has come up in "black cloud days" he says Im giving you nothing so deal with it.  I know, shame on me.  I have never been this insecure and weak in my life- I ama multiple business owner, single mom and have wonderful family- I was married for 17 years to a wonderful man I grew apart from and besides my ex, dated one other person in all my life before my curren BPD Partner...  He has mentally worn me down to no defense.

[Daniell85]

You sound like you are literally swimming in this enviroment of his disregulation.


What I have found for myself, is unless you get separation from the BPD in some form... .mental, physical, emotional... .the enmeshment will take you down to places you can get lost in.

Is it possible for you to take a vacation without this guy. Say a "work trip" or some famlily visit that gets you completely away from him for at least a week? So you can get some distance and let this stuff clear out of you? It could provide a base for being able to think more clearly about what you want to happen here.