Is there a greater purpose behind our struggles?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi All,

I found this on the internet and wondered whether other people here might appreciate it:

   

Love Lifewriter

[Lifewriter16]

Hi All,

I found this on the internet and wondered whether other people here might appreciate it:

   

Love Lifewriter

[Schermarhorn]

I know that I have learned what to stay away from.

I can easily identify triangulation, unhealthy attachments, and at times mental abuse.

It's like getting your house broken into, you don't worry about getting defenses until something happens.

I can't blame myself for the first time, since I don't know any better. But if I get stuck in another situation like this, the blame is all on me now.

[once removed]

i appreciate it .

its been a hard lesson and fact of life for me to accept, because at heart im a hopeless romantic. part of me would prefer to believe two people (friends, family, significant others) never have to separate or fade apart.

what does it mean to you, lifewriter?

[troisette]

I subscribe to the Buddhist philosophy, so yes I do agree with the comment.

We come here with lessons to learn, sometimes the lesson is presented to us again and again (as in relationships with disordered people) until we finally understand why we became involved.

[Lifewriter16]

Hi once removed.

what does it mean to you, lifewriter?

To me, this is an extension of the idea that relationships are given to us for a purpose, to help us (or them, or most probably both of us) learn a lesson. It helps me cope with the necessity to let go of people I have loved without feeling that I am just going through purposeless pain, suffering and loss because it implies that once the lesson is learnt, we will pass out of each other's lives to enable the next teacher to take their place and the next lesson to begin. It makes things easier somehow.

Love Lifewriter

[Scopikaz]

Good post. I'm a Christian though I fail often. But my exgf who I suspect has BPD to some extent or at least deep emotional issues. Anyhow we started out as an affair two and a half years ago.

So from the beginning for my situation id have to say God didn't bring us together nor could he have blessed it.  And she doesn't have custody of her children. And early on people warned me. Could that have been god warning me And I didn't listen?  Anyhow I just don't think God was part of my relationship.

When I told a friend the story recently he said at first he thought she was In my life for my sake. But as he heard all of her issues he said he thinks I'm there for her sake.

And now I find myself praying for her. Her well being. She's going to bars several nights a week. Looks like her new friends are players at the bars. Etc  and I'm prsying for her to realize what's important in life.  And It's not drinking. Hanging out at bars regularly. Etc.

And I am praying God bring us back together if it's his will.

I can't help but think about what my friend said though. I'm there for her sake

And I can't help but think that for whatever reason now that it's ended three months ago that we are still in each other's lives for some reason. Hopefully other tush codependency and manipulation or BPD behaviors.

Hopefully it's for a larger purpose whatever that is.

Honestly I've had a sinking feeling lately that something bad is going to happen to her or in her life   Something to make her realize what's important.   And that she will reach out to me for support. Sounds crazy i know.

At this point there is a concert next month we are going to.  And I know what she is. Trying to accept her for what she is (an unhealthy individual, yet someone with real needs on some level too). and I plan to go to the concert. A nice dinner before hand. And just enjoy her company. 

I don't know. I think no one has ever shown her true unconditional kind and I'm trying my best to do that. If God uses or blesses that for his purposes then great.

[Lifewriter16]

Hi Scopikaz,

I'm a Christian (of sorts) too and I did feel God in my relationship with my BPDxbf. I had a word of knowledge about him and prayed with him on a number of occasions when he was dysregulating. However, my own core issues began to surface. Eventually, I realised that I was there because I needed healing too. Towards the end, I felt we were told to 'Wait', but my BPDxbf has apparently left for good and God has given me closure on it during meditation. Letting go was indicated. Early on, all I wanted to do was bring about his healing so we could stay together. I was a little misguided in that. I suspect God's purposes do not fit into the Christian doctrines we are actually taught. I prefer to trust the Master rather than the Church. It takes me into rocky places at times but it's how I choose to manifest my faith - by being myself... .warts and all.

Love Lifewriter