Hello, I am Back

[AVR1962]

Hello, I was in a process of a move... .life has been pretty hectic lately. Nothing has changed with my daughter. She did contact letting me know that the docs think she has a hormone disorder. This was by text and we have had texts since. As I mentioned before when she wanted my support she would be back. The hard time I have with this is she wants my support but she wants to go to family members and whoever will listen and tell them lies about what I have done or said. I have no doubt that she thinks what she is saying is not getting back to me but it is and has for years.

I recently visited by younger daughter and we had a good talk. In the conversation she told me that her sister does not recognize the diagnosis of BPD. Okay fine, whatever it is, it is what it is, but how am I supposed to want to be a part of my daughter's life if she is telling lies about me? I think so many people think that as a mother to your child, no matter what the age, you still have to keep supporting and giving. I asked my younger daughter if she felt she was being influenced by her older sister and she said that she didn't feel she was. I know in the past she has. I am sure not trying to tear sisters apart. I just know that my older daughter has really tried to work to bring my younger daughter to her side and see that her problems are all about me.

I might not have been a perfect mom and I know that every reaction and every choice I have made over the years have not been clinically spot-on but I also have not done the things my oldest has accused me of either.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Eyeamme]

Hi AVR1962! Welcome back. Hope the move went well. I know how frustrating it all is. I can see in your post that you say that your daughter bad mouths you to others. Not to be rude, but so? Those that love you know you well enough to not believe her, and those that don't aren't worth your time.

I too fear my daughter will tell my son lies about me. I also know that my son lived with his sisters behavior all his life. He knows. So do your other daughters.

Glad you are back.

[Rockieplace]

Yes, it is easy to get a little paranoid isn't it?  I feel the same.  My BPDD tells me that her psychotherapist thinks that I have a mental illness (right now after all we have been through I think she may well be right  )   When I spoke to her drug's counsellor I started to feel she was intimating that we had a lot to answer for - but maybe that was just my usual guilt-ridden mentality.  When I go to her multi-disciplinary meetings (at my D's request) I sometimes feel that they are looking at me as if I am Cruella De Ville!  But I have to remind myself very strongly that they must have heard lots of 'stories' and have learned to take things with a pinch of salt.  I just have to keep reminding myself that my D is ill and everyone else is aware of that too.