GS mimics behavior of BPD mother

[rosie0523]

My GS, 11, is now exhibiting behaviors of his BPD mother.  He has been raised in chaos.  He has ulcerative colitis, has not been in school for two months, has spent most of the last 6 weeks with me.  It is likely that he will need his colon removed.  Stress is a significant factor.  He bounces between his mother, father and my house. He is an only child.

He is always welcome here with me and his GF.  Understandably, he has always had anger issues.  My BPD daughter constantly speaks badly of his dad and often of me.  He now does not want to be with his dad.  My GS calls me and his dad selfish, rude, we hurt his feelings.  He does this all the time now.  Lately when he is here he acts as though I disgust him.  If I sit on a chair, he will refuse to sit on it.  If I sit next to him he pulls away, if I eat with him he tells me I chew too loud, I breath too loud, I'm wearing a scent he can't stand.  He does not do this with his GF thank goodness.  He is very loyal to his mother, I once told him she was moody and he completely lost it. My DD separated from my GS's father about 6 months ago and is now dating on line.  This requires hours of getting herself beautiful.  This leaves very little time for my GS as she works all week. She is 48 and this is the first job she has ever had that has worked out.  She has major financial problems, she spends thousands on her hair, and is a hypochondriac to the extreme.  For years she has been convinced that there is something wrong with my GS, and has bounced him around from doctor to doctor trying to prove that he is autistic or has asperger's.  My GS now also refuses to do things because he feels sick or something hurts. 

I know my grandson is emotionally sick, he has been to counseling but never consistently.  I am at a total loss, feeling sick and hopeless.

Thank you for your time,

Rosie

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Hello rosie,

I'm so sad from reading about how your grandson has been affected... .poor little guy.

Have you tried to revisit getting him into weekly counseling since he now spends so much time with you? 

Have you found any of the skills like validation helpful in communicating with him?

lbj