Push/Pull + Charming Hell

[sweet tooth]

I was hanging out with a woman I believe (undiagnosed) BPD for close to a year. She is diagnosed with hyperthyroidism. She also is divorced from an abusive ex-husband and has a child with him. To make a long story short, she has severe ambivalence, is impulsive, and overly sensitive. She would tell me she just wants to be friends and then invite me to romantic dinners/events. It was constant mixed messages. She would go weeks or up to a month without contacting me and refusing to answer my texts. She would message me out of the blue and say she was depressed.

She asked me if I wanted to go to a wedding show on Valentine's weekend (I paid for it, of course) and it was one of the best nights of my life. I gave her a thoughtful gift that made her start tearing up. She looked at the pics and said, "we've had a lot of good times together" and then looked deep into my eyes and said, "You're awesome." We kissed each other on the cheek at the end of the night.

Two days later she contacts me and says she wants all the pics of us online taken down because "it's causing her emotional distress and we aren't a couple." I took them down and explained she keeps giving me mixed messages. She coldly stated, "there's 'no spark (after 11 months mind you)' and that needs to be accepted." I said I was very upset and I never cared about anyone more than I cared about her. She said that she needs space, she can't handle it, and that I "don't even know her."

We were supposed to go away for my birthday the following weekend. She blew it off. Never wished me a happy birthday. After over two weeks, I tried to re-establish contact by saying I will be there for her when she decides to talk to me again and that I researched thyroid disease to better understand why she goes through and try to avoid overwhelming her. She responded (coldly again) by stating, "do not contact me again."

I said goodbye, that I was (past tense) falling in love with her and was willing to tolerate her emotional instability and treat her like a queen. I also said I wish her the best.

I'm conflicted. I don't deserve to be treated this way, but I really did have more fun with her than anybody else and cared for her more deeply than anybody else. My brain is telling me to go NC, but my heart is telling me not to.

I'm guessing that eventually I will here from her again... .the entire situation is frustrating and infuriating.

[Ms.Perfect]

Did you all that time have another woman?

It seems to me you are very introverted man and not easy for you to get attention for woman. Just some guys do not know how to deal with us

May be that is why she seems for you super charming ?

She told ONLY 'you are awesome" and you already melted completely?

You are safe she didn't love bomb you heavy at all. Just a small bullet not a bomb

She could do much more… then you would lose your head

It is VERY difficult to get someone out of head once alredy there!

Good luck. I need also to get my attention on something else.

[sweet tooth]

It's supposed to say "Charm hell." Somehow autocorrect changed it to charming.

There was no other woman during that entire time. There were other mixed messages. She would tell me she wanted to "kiss me but was scared," would hold my hand, get mad if I looked at other women, would get jealous of my friends, etc. I know it could have been worse. I've had worse happen to me.