He has tried to undermine my authority in the past

[unicorn2014]

I have full custody.

My daughter was brought to the emergency room last night after getting drunk and beat up and I haven't told her father. I'm under no moral or legal obligation to do so and if I did he'd get violent with me, the guy my daughter was with and the girls that beat her up. I do not want to bring that level of conflict into my life, I want to deal with things parent to parent with those who are involved as well as the police as I have a case number. My ex is very anti authority and he has passed that attitude on to my daughter.

It is scary knowing how violent he is. I have never filed a restraining order on him and I know I could if I had to but I don't like feeling so scared. My daughter doesn't want to talk to him either although she is struggling to let go of the fantasy dad.

Have any of you dealt with violent ex spouses? Have any of you filed restraining orders? He hasn't threatened me yet, regarding this issue, because he doesn't know about it. He has threatened to take custody of my daughter in the past. Now I know the proper response to that is have your attorney contact me and as he doesn't have one, that's not going to happen. When he went to family court as a defendant in the   child support case he was defended by the public defender. I don't think there's a public offender.

[Turkish]

Well, it s good that you can use a tiny bit of humor in otherwise serious circumstances, unicorn.

How is your daughter doing, do you think this might be a wake-up call to her? Her father is likely to find out at some point, no?

[unicorn2014]

Hi Turkish, I'm not talking about it on social media, I've only told one person in church, my friends are in recovery , his friends are not. But you're right, he's going to find out eventually. Hopefully I can defer him finding out until I talk to the deputy and the psychologist tomorrow and get their advice. It is kind of a scary time.

The girls that assaulted my daughter stole her smart phone and so now I'm going to have buy her a flip phone. Going without a smart phone for months may have an impact.

[Turkish]

How, that she won't be able to stay connected to her social circles?

[unicorn2014]

She's used to having an iPhone. She won't be getting another from me for a year as she used up both insurance claims. She won't be able to do any of the stuff she's used to on the go. She has an iPod which she can use at home, Starbucks, etc. I think she knows she can't drink but I don't know if that will stick.

[Turkish]

She's 17. She is capable of getting her own phone, or at least paying for one. IMO, of course 

[unicorn2014]

15 I'll get her a flip phone so I can track and monitor her. Thanks for that bit.

[Turkish]

D'oh! Sorry.

Well I had already been doing odd jobs by that age, and at barely 16, was washing dishes and flipping pancakes on weekends In a café. Not uncommon, even these days, right?

I had S6 trying to mow the lawn yesterday (he's a big kid), but when he started making crop circles, I took thanked him and took over. Start 'em young!

Seriously, though there is no excuse for what was done to her, do you feel that she may see that she got into a bad situation due to her poor choices?