Question for those of you whose BPDs date.

[Frank88]

When your BPD son or daughter has gotten into a new relationship or rebounded, how do you go about handling the new guy or girl? My ex's mom seems to fall in love with the next guy just as fast as my ex did. Not in a sexual way, but thinks they are great, like they will save her daughter. She knows her daughter is not normal, but still enables her behavior. It honestly makes me feel even more discarded than I did before. Who knows what story my ex told her family about why we broke up.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Lollypop]

Hi

Personally speaking, I just behave like everything's normal. It's none of my business but I know it'll end in heartache - his.

My BPDs has had three serious relationships. First one to a high achiever who cruelly dumped him by text, second one had self confidence issues of her own so put up with his drugs and lack of employment, third one (a keeper and he messed up because she was just great) saw he had serious issues and cleverly parted with the message "you need to help yourself, I can't do this for you and if I stay ill be consumed by you". The last one got in touch afterwards as she wanted to explain (BPDs went NC with her and she got worried as he was suicidal) and i told her she'd done the right thing.

Sorry if I'm rambling. If a new relationship started tomorrow I admit there'd be a part of me that would hope that they could take over the worry, maybe my BPDs would improve in a loving relationship with that support; but deep in my heart (at this point in time) I know it'd be doomed. But id say nothing because they are adults. Also, importantly my BPDs is a quiet BPD and doesn't rage so the risk of physical harm would be the young woman wanting to hit his head against the wall in sheer exasperation "just get a job!"

You must feel bad about it all. I wouldn't worry about what's been said or not said to the ex's family. My BPDs doesn't want to discuss his personal relationships with me, particularly after a breakup. He's hurting and clams up.

L

[Frank88]

Good advice. Thanks lollypop.