Just got first text from mom, need help

[JerryRG]

After going on 5 months NC and the up and down with my son, she has him full time now, she abandoned him for 5 months prior to this. She's had him in her care less than one month as of today.

I hear you want to be involved in J's life a bit more. Here's the plan, J loves you so very much. J isn't a toy, he can't be used as a yo yo. I pray your resentment towards me, his mama, go away... I told you I'd go back to court to drop te charges so JK can be around him, and I still can.  I want peace, I want happiness... .especially for J. What do You think about having him this weekend, and tgen every other weekend after? You may have him on his birthday, too.

[livednlearned]

What are your values and goals, JerryRG?

People with BPD tend to have a perspective of life that is 4 inches above the ground. They react to what is moving through their minds in the moment, reacting to strong emotions that change like the wind.

You are the non-disordered person who needs to have a perspective that at the 30,000 foot view. That means knowing what you want, for you, for J.

Can you articulate that? Knowing what you want will help respond to these messages. Otherwise, you end up down at 4 inches, missing the bigger picture and long-term planning that can help stabilize things.

[JerryRG]

Thank you lived and learned

My first priority is my safety and my son's safety

I want him to have consistent time with me

I'm not sure I'm even answering your question, I just got sick after reading her texts, need time to process this.

Thank you so much for your support

[JerryRG]

Got these texts just now.

Mom and I said after work monday and  Wednesdays from noon until bedtime and every other weekend... .that's what the guidelines hours say technically he needs more but I know u have cancer and taking care of J is a lot. I can't do it alone either... .I'm willing to sit down with you and my church family OR my mom as well if need be

[livednlearned]

You have a lot going on, friend.

Cancer, disordered ex wife, young son.  :'(

We're walking this with you.

To clarify:

*when she says guidelines, is she talking about a custody order in place?

*you have not been able to spend time with him because of cancer treatment?

*son has been getting bumped around from one set of inlaws to another, then back to her?


What kind of custody arrangement do you want? Meaning, how much time? What days?

If you do not have a current custody arrangement, are you willing to get things worked out in family court?

What is the history here? Has she been abusive or filed false allegations?

Sorry to pepper you with questions. Just trying to get a sense of the whole picture.

[JerryRG]

Thank you so much livednlearned

I have to go to an AA meeting soon, I will provide the information you asked about as soon as I can.

Thanks again. Thank God for you and everyone ekse here, BPD FAMILY   

[JerryRG]

Hello Livedandlearned

Our agreement is set up by state guidelines and we were flexible.

At my son's current age I can have him 3 days a week, 8 hours and one overnight, this isn't the exact wording but close.

I talked to the police last night about her accusations and he thought I needed to contact the judge and inform him of her behaviours. She's accused me of stalking, breaking into her interent, slashing her tires, stealing her things and this was while we got along or in a relationship.

She's impossible and unsafe to be around.

I have to find the right steps to patition the judge, not sure without legal aid.

Thank you and I will eventually get to your other questions