Rape eligation from my son's mother

[JerryRG]

Hello everyone.

Last weekend was my first contact with my sons mother.

Prior to the last 4 weeks my son was in the care of his uncle and aunt, for aproximity 4 months.

During that time I had our son from Thursday to Sunday each week.

Uncle and aunt learned my exBPDgf was faking her illness and they refused to care for him and sent him back to mothers custody.

Forcing me to break NC and begin texting exBPDgf

I took my son from Friday to Sunday last weekend and returned him to his mother around 5pm.

After my son cried and screamed uncontrollably from the time I left home until we got out of my car I handed him to his mother and he continued to cry so I took him back from her and told her, "see what we're doing to him? He wants to be with me"

I left then text my exBPDgf to see how my son was adjusting to being with her, after a few texts her new bf accusing me of raping my ex 4 years ago after she overdosed in my apartment. She has claimed to date 5 rapes buy 5 different men, I would be #6.

I defended myself and said if she keeps making these rediculous claims I couldn't be around her to pick my son up.

Then her bf who has no legal right in any agreement told me that if I refused to visitations 3 days a week that they had a family in Wisconsin to give our son to.

That's where his adopted parents live.

I then asked why not sign rights over to me then they could do whatever they want.

He then asks me to give up my rights to my son which I couldn't do anyway because judges don't allow it unless someone adopts him.

I'm very confused because they seem to not want my son yet are holding on to him for what reasons? Child support?

Another claim is my exBPDgf is doing so well since they have been together and my response was "why can't she care for him then?"

She took 4 months without taking care of my son while she faked another illness and now she wants him/don't want him?

Her bf is annoying me as well because he has no right telling me his wishes.

I'm currently seeking legal aid, I reported her rape charge to our local police.

She's posting suicide gestures on fb, last week "I'm going to take a dirt nap"

Everyone in our community are well aware of her mental illnesses and she's had many visits from the police.

I don't know what to do but stay away from her and her new minion.

My son needs me, I refuse to be around his mother, she is a freak.

My sponsor thinks I need to back off and take care of myself for the short term, whenever I tangle with my ex my health declines.

[momtara]

This seems like a really complicated situation.

And it must be even more complicated for your son.

So you were consistently taking care of him four days a week, and now they don't want you to? It sounds like you need some specific orders to be in place, so that you have consistency, and more importantly, your son does also. He should know when he is going to see you, and when he is in someone else's care, and when he is safe.

Are you saying you want to be with him, or you're not really sure? How much are you willing to fight?

Can't imagine anyone will believe a rape allegation from someone who says she has been raped by 5 different people 5 different situations.

But I do worry for your sweet son who is confused and being passed around. It seems like some officials have to get involved or at least someone has to fight for him to have a consistent schedule and calm. Is your son a baby? Are any officials involved?

[ForeverDad]

There is a pattern for people with BPD behaviors that Ended Relationships are perceived as abusive ones.  Thus the switch from idolization at the start to vilification at the end.  Still, you may see inconsistency, varying levels of passiveness to rejection to disdain.  If her communications are that extreme, then document them, save the emails or texts showing that she goes from telling you to take your preschooler to telling you she will obstruct you from parenting your son.

Whether or not her new BF is disordered as well or not, understand that he is in her thrall and you will see in him inconsistencies too as he is trying to appease her or whatever.  Like you probably did, he is trying to ride her ups and downs thinking his relationship too might work.  Odds are that in a few years or even months he may either wake up to the craziness or be cast aside as you were.  But by that time he too may have a child and foster yet another branch of the family and another case for family court to deal with.

What will help you to be more stable and not be so impacted by her inconsistencies is to (1) accept that you can never have a stable relationship with her and (2) your priority is your child and your child alone.  Well, you too, as the airplane flight instructions advise, "In the event of an emergency, put on your oxygen mask first then help others."

[JerryRG]

Thank you

The thing that threw me off was when I first text her last weekend after 4 months nc, she specifically asked that she wanted nothing more than peace, I'm not sure when she began telling others I attacked her but eligations this serious is not my idea of peace.

I didn't know how to react to this, she told me of her past abuse but I knew some of her history before we started dating so I dismissed the majority of them. Still a very serious accusation and I'm certain those who know her history at all know this is yet another manipulation.

Her new bf is not from this area so he does not have the advantage I had with knowing her past behaviours.

I will contact someone who can help me take the next step to protect my son.

If pwBPD are this unhealthy can it be expected they can parent with any degree of success?