Hi Kasina,
I am sorry that you are going through this. It is really tough to cope with confusing and contradictory words and behavior.
Deep down in my gut I knew that a break up was imminent but I felt helpless as I didn't know what to do about his inner turmoil also partlybecause I was busy in my sisters wedding arrangements but I tried my level best no to ignore him,he still was pissed and jealous that I was spending time with my sister and not him but when I asked him to lets hang out or make plans together he did and I ended up cancelling plans with my sister and her friends he will then cancel plans at the last moment or didn't felt like it or in the mood for it or would simply ignore me...
In the past, my bf tended to severely dysregulate when I was "busy" with something else. It seemed to trigger his abandonment fears. Similar to you, I would free up some time for him so we can spend time together, then he would ignore me. It is like a child throwing a temper tantrum when they cannot get what they want immediately. The avoidance is basically a coping mechanism to repress feelings.
when I asked him the reason of breaking up and calling off the wedding he said that he didn't deserve me and I m better off on my own and he said he deserved to be punished alone and didn't want to drag me along but then when I still kept insisting that rethink about the break up. the very next day he said that he is in with relationsip with someone else and accused me off blackmailing him in to getting married which really shook me because I had never asked him to get married or anything... its laways him proposing me and wanting to marry and settle.
I have heard the same thing as well. From my experience, it was a result of feelings of being "abandoned" or "rejected." When my bf feels like that, he fluctuates between intense projected anger and inner self-loathing.
its just I am absolutely confused and all shaken that what did exactly happened... i just cant figure it out... is this abandonment fear... engulfement issue... comitement issue... is it me? did I invalidated him or hurt him?is his fears playing out now?is this break up for real?
I understand how confusing this is for you. Honestly it could be anything, but I can safely reassure you that it has nothing to do with you. As I said before, it seems like an abandonment issue.
I feel mentally and physically sick now thinking about what went wrong?i cant give up the love of my life and 3 year old relationship just like that... i want to be there for him if its his insecurities playing out,i want to reassure him that I wont leave or hurt him but I don't know what to do?thats why I have taken sometime off to rethink and evaluate the whole situation...
I felt the same way. Analyzing every possibility will only drive you bananas.
he seems very firm and cold about the break up and this thing about being with his in relatioship again... it really scares me cause he has never done this before... it makes me wonder that he is been cheating me.
when I asked him this question he said so what if I have been cheating on you?you have your friends go and enjoy you will be alright...
This comment is projecting his hurt about feeling "rejected."
Have you spoken to him since the breakup?