Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
July 07, 2025, 02:59:39 PM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Things I couldn't have known
Supporting a Child in Therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder
Anosognosia and Getting a "Borderline" into Therapy
Am I the Cause of Borderline Personality Disorder?
Emotional Blackmail: Fear, Obligation and Guilt (FOG)
94
BPDFamily.com
>
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
>
Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
> Topic:
Daughter has self-destructive behaviors
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: Daughter has self-destructive behaviors (Read 672 times)
Codeman
Fewer than 3 Posts
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 2
Daughter has self-destructive behaviors
«
on:
April 30, 2016, 10:37:13 AM »
Hi, everyone.
My daughter has had behavioral issues and has displayed self-destructive behaviors for the past 5-6 years. We have had her in behavioral hospitals 4 times in the past 3 years. Various psychiatrists have diagnosed her with depression and anxiety. She engaged in cutting for a while but stopped. She also has significant medical issues, including migraines and ulcerative colitis. She recently spent 30 days in inpatient substance abuse treatment. She relapsed within a week of exiting the program, has since turned 18, and refuses to reenter treatment. She lives mostly with her mother, my ex, who has significant medical and psyvchaitric issues of her own. My daughter appears to care very little about keeping her commitments or promises or following any rules I set. She is manipulative.
Quite frankly, I feel emotionally blackmailed most of there time by both of them. I have run out of consequences for their behavior, most of which don't work anyway. Any advice you all can offer is appreciated.
Logged
Our objective
is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to
learn the skills
to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
Kwamina
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 3544
Re: Daughter has self-destructive behaviors
«
Reply #1 on:
May 02, 2016, 10:20:12 AM »
Hi Codeman
Welcome to bpdfamily. I am sorry for the circumstances that have brought you here though. Your daughter unfortunately exhibits some very problematic behavior.
It is also very unfortunate the she refuses to seek treatment again now that she's 18. Do you feel that she at least does acknowledge that she has certain problems? Or does she seem to believe there is nothing wrong with her?
To help you get started here, I encourage you to look at the tools and lessons in the right-hand side margin of this board. These resources can (hopefully) help you in your interactions with your daughter.
You also mention her mother, your, ex, who also has significant psychiatric issues. Do they have the same kind of psychiatric issues? Is your ex getting help for her own psychiatric issues?
I am glad you reached out for support and advice here and encourage you to keep posting and reading here
Logged
Oh, give me liberty! For even were paradise my prison, still I should long to leap the crystal walls.
jellibeans
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 1726
Re: Daughter has self-destructive behaviors
«
Reply #2 on:
May 03, 2016, 10:28:46 AM »
dear codeman
I am glad you found this support. It has helped me so many times and I have learned so much. I am sorry that you are struggling right now. This is a good place to ask questions on how to deal with a certain problem. I have really benefited from the advise here.
I can see you are in a difficult position and your dd is doing a good job of splitting you and your ex. How does you ex feel about things? Does she feel your dd has problems? Trying to find a united front would be helpful.
My dd turned 18 last year and we have also experienced resistance to getting help. We have just tried to set some firm boundaries. Usually she gets herself into a situation where even herself can see she needs help. Not sure that is the case with your dd... .but if my dd wants to live in our home then she will do certain things and meet certain expectations. Maybe that is a place to start for you. Write down what is expected of your dd and what the consequences are if they are not met.
I hope you keep posting and asking questions... .the more you learn the better prepared you are for the challenges.
Logged
Codeman
Fewer than 3 Posts
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 2
Re: Daughter has self-destructive behaviors
«
Reply #3 on:
May 08, 2016, 08:49:18 PM »
Hi, Keamina and Jellibeans.
Thanks for you're replies.
My daughter does admit that she has issues, but so far only with depression, anxiety, and substance abuse. She has been going to her appointments, including counselor, psychiatrist, and IOP. She is switching to another IOP since the one she's in is mostly younger kids (12-14). She has also been going to NA meetings. She told us she would kill herself before going back to inpatient treatment.
Her mom has many of the same types of issues, including anxiety, epilepsy, migraines, and depression. And, she has many of the same BP tendencies of my daughter. She has been taking opioids and Xanax for over 10 years and can't function without them. Yet, she insists she has no issues with substance abuse since they are prescribed for legitimate medical diagnoses. My daughter often steals medications from her. Presenting a united front just won't happen. My ex enables her at every opportunity and won't set boundaries that she will stick to. My ex sees a psychiatrist but hasn't been in counseling in years. I've been trying to get all of us into family counseling and my ex into personal counseling for nearly 2 years... . But of course, she can never go and it's always their fault for not having an appointment time that coincides with her schedule.
My daughter lives with my ex and rarely stays at my house. I have every little in terms of leverage and there are very few boundaries that I can set with her. All I have left is paying for her tuition and for her for her medical insurance.
It's really difficult. I feel like my daughter is just being ripped away and there's little to nothing I can do.
Logged
lbjnltx
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: widowed
Posts: 7757
we can all evolve into someone beautiful
Re: Daughter has self-destructive behaviors
«
Reply #4 on:
May 09, 2016, 07:04:03 PM »
Hi Codeman,
Sorry to hear what you are up against in getting your daughter to seek help for herself or make any headway with boundaries.
Maybe just focusing on building a healthier relationship between the 2 of you would reap some benefit. Modeling the skills you wish her to use is a win win.
Let us know how it goes.
lbj
Logged
BPDd-13 Residential Treatment -
keep believing in miracles
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
>
Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
> Topic:
Daughter has self-destructive behaviors
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...