Stepdaughter has turned finally turned against me.

[townhouse]

I used to post on the 'Staying' threads but while my relationship with SO with BPD continues to improve, other aspects of BPD have emerged with one of his daughters.

I have always felt that it is necessary to Walk on Eggshells around her (shall label L) but for the 15 years I have been 'white' and we have enjoyed a friendship, albeit somewhat heavy going on my part. I must validate her constantly and she doesn't accept JADE from anyone. She has had a few boyfriends but she gives them up because they don't seem to live up to her expectations. Her few girlfriends get the silent treatment now and again after they do something she doesn't like.

What has happened now is that following her fathers dreadful behaviour last year, she decided to no longer talk to him. We coped with that and he still tries to reconnect and for a while she still talked to me on phone etc. She was even OK with me that SO and I reconciled and were living together again.

A couple of months ago my SO and I decided to marry. We had been going to do this many times over the 15 years and we were finally in a space that we both felt we wanted to be husband and wife. We didn't want a fuss so just quietly married without telling anyone till a a few weeks after.

Now L refuses to have contact with me. Won't answer phone. I sent her flowers for her 41st birthday ( as usual) and she didn't get in touch to acknowledge or thank.

I figure I am finally 'black' ... .as black as her father.

I can understand that perhaps to her I have 'rewarded' her father where he should be 'punished' for all his bad behaviour or perceived bad behaviour (divorcing her mother 25 years ago)

My reason for writing here is that I don't know what to do. Should I keep trying to occasionally contact by phone or text or just go silent as she has. We live too far apart to pop around to see her.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Hi townhouse,

Welcome to the Parenting Board, glad that you are here asking questions.

Did your stepd ask you not to contact her or did she just stop contacting you?

If she has stated a clear boundary of "no contact" then consider respecting that.  Maybe just a short reply to let her know that you will respect her wishes and hope that she will reconsider and you will wait for her to be ready... .luv you.

lbj

[townhouse]

Thanks for your reply lbjnltx. I realise my problem in this case isn't quite as serious as others are having with their children but still a worry to me all the same.

In answer to your inquiry... .no she hasn't asked anything. Just appears to be non contact. Also has blocked myself and my sons from her facebook.

I am thinking that perhaps she thinks she was excluded from being told about her fathers' and my marriage.

I think I shall wait a couple of weeks, then send an email explaining that we didn't tell anyone as we felt it was just between us. I will also incorporate some of what you suggested lbjnltx.

[lbjnltx]

Sounds like a plan and yes, she may have hurt feelings about not being notified prior to the ceremony.

Be careful not to get too JADeY.

lbj